


Quiver

by CalypsoFlora



Category: Dragon Age II, fawke
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-09 07:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalypsoFlora/pseuds/CalypsoFlora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Hawke saves Fenris's life on a quest, things take a turn when Fenris begins to see Hawke as more than just a companion. Between all of the guts and gore, can a romance actually spark between the two?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Close Call

Hawke held the arrow as steady as she could. She focused on the head of the Revenant that held its monstrous sword over Fenris’s head.

 _Just block out the sound_ , Hawke thought as she shut her left eye and focused. She snapped the string from her bow in a split second. As the Revenant brought down its sword, its head was split in half from Hawke’s pinning shot. It fell down and Fenris looked up at Hawke in shock.

“Wow,” she heard Anders say behind her. It was a perfect shot. Hawke knew if she waited a second more her longtime friend would have his head sliced.  
Fenris shook as he stood up. Hawke walked over towards him.

“Are you alright?” she asked gently.

“I’m fine,” Fenris mumbled, “let’s just get off this mountain.”

A couple of days before, Merrill had caught a terrible case of pneumonia and needed a high dosage of elfroot potion. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough of the potion in high town, so Hawke decided to take the route up to the top of Sundermount where there was plenty of Elfroot to cure Merrill. The only problem was Merrill knew the trails up to Sundermount better than anyone else, which meant Hawke would have to just trust her memory to the top of the mountain. The problem wasn’t getting to the top of the mountain, it was heading back down. Hawke knew to just follow the path back down. Corpses would need to be killed, maybe a Shadow Assassin, but besides that it would be an easy trip. Then Anders offered a short cut. A short cut which would lead them in lost and having no idea where they were headed.

“ _You can’t trust these mages!_ ” Fenris had shouted at Hawke.

Aveline who was also on the trip, stepped in front of Anders, “You need to calm down. And remember, there are people here who have mages in the family.” Aveline directed her eyes towards Hawke.

Fenris rolled his eyes and started walking down the mountain. After walking only a few steps, Fenris tripped on a Deep Mushroom and fell over his own feet. He rolled down until he hit right smack into a dead corpse. Well, not dead for long at least. About twenty corpses had arose, and to make matters even worse, a Revenant appeared from the ground, and it had its eyes set on Fenris.

Anders had called up a firestorm and already killed off a few corpses. Aveline raced down to where Fenris was and threw her shield so that it sliced through a corpse’s abdomen. Hawke stayed where she was and sent a shower of arrows upon the walking skeletons. Fenris focused on the Revenant as it swung its first strike. Fenris rolled but the sword cut into his right arm, the arm he fought with. He growled and held his arm as blood seeped past his hand.

By the time all the corpses had been taken care of, Fenris was a mess trying to fight off the Revenant. Finally, the Revenant’s sword clashed into Fenris’s. Lethendralis flew into the air and Fenris was left vulnerable. That’s when Hawke focused on the Revenant and made her kill.

After a few hours after the incident, Hawke called to make camp. Fenris was not happy with that decision.  
“Hawke, I said I’m fine. I can keep going, this is ridiculous.”

“No your not,” Hawke replied, “I want to take a look at your injuries, Fenris. You’re going to look worse than Merrill if we don’t heal these.”

Healing is what bothered Fenris. He refused to let Anders touch him with any sort of magic, and Aveline had no real skill in taking care of cuts, so it seemed Hawke would just have to look at Fenris’s damages.

Hawke forced Fenris to drink some health poultice and begin to stitch his wound. Hawke always carried supplies with her if she knew Fenris was coming along in the trip. If the stitching was painful, Fenris showed no sign. Hawke then grabbed her red handkerchief that she always carried with her and wrapped it around Fenris’s upper arm to cover the wound. Then she checked his other scratches on his face and left arm and found nothing dangerous. Hawke wanted to give Fenris her portion of soup that night, but he refused to be pampered in such a manner. He also did not want to eat another bowl of Hawke's repulsive mushroom and root soup. Fenris stomped out of circle the group had made and begin to prepare for sleep. Tomorrow there would be no stopping.

While they were all sleeping in their bed rolls, Hawke was keeping watch when she heard muffling. She turned to see Fenris glowing softly from the lyrium in his veins. He mumbled some words and whimpered in his native language. He flinched and it was obvious he was in pain. Hawke was not surprised by this at all. She had seen it happen many times and already knew what to do.

Gently, she lowered down, laid her hand to his head, and whispered in his ear, “It’s okay Fen, I’m here.”

Fenris’s glow slowly faded and his shaking came to a halt. He was now sleeping peacefully.


	2. Hints and Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter name kind of gives it away. But if you read closely you will find hints and many surprises.

The rest of the walk down from Sundermount was a silent trip. Anders and Hawke chatted in front while Fenris and Aveline followed. Fenris kept thinking about how he was almost killed. How he saw the Revenant's skull crushed by Hawke's arrow. He had looked over to see Hawke's face. Her blue eyes staring right back into his.

Marian. That was her given name. Fenris only heard it from Bethany, until she was forced to join the Grey Wardens from the Deep Roads. Now Fenris barely heard the name unless Gamlen was begging for money.

Fenris stared into the back of Anders's head. Fenris didn't know if he hated anyone more. How he couldn't be trusted, how he was an abomination, how he touched Hawke's hand and healed the cut across her palm so smoothly.

Anders brushed Hawke's black bangs from her eyes. She grinned and looked behind to catch Fenris's glare.

"Oh come on now Fen," Hawke said, "don't be all broody like that."

Fen. Hawke always called him that. It annoyed Fenris at first, but now he had grown use to it. He didn't mind as much when Hawke said it anyway. Merrill had started calling him Fenny and Blue Boy that Fenris was content with anything else.

“I do not brood, I simply do not care for mage flattery,” Fenris replied, staring intently at Anders. Hawke grinned and turned back around. She then jumped into the air.

“We’re finally here! Yay civilization!” She squealed. Fenris had never seen Hawke so happy to be back at the Dalish camp. All the Dalish in that camp wanted to kill them. Except Keeper Marethari, that is.

She greeted them in a calming tone, “Welcome back, _F_ _alon_. Did you find what you were looking for?”

Hawke nodded, “Yes Keeper. We had a little trouble, but we did it. _Ma serannas_ Marethari.”

Fenris was surprised at first to hear Hawke speak Dalish. He would not think she would speak it so gracefully and soothingly.

Fenris shook his head, he should not be thinking such thoughts of Hawke. She was vile. She protected her sister when Fenris tried convincing her that she would be betrayed.

“ _Do you really think that she can be trusted!?_ ” Fenris had shouted at Hawke in his mansion, well, Danarius’s mansion. Fenris had suggested that Bethany should not come along on the Deep Roads Expedition. They were already bringing Anders, why should they settle themselves in more danger with another mage?

Hawke’s face was red with anger, “She is my sister! You think I shouldn’t trust my own blood?!”

Fenris had no idea why Hawke was set on taking him to the Deep Roads. He had only conquered Darkspawn a few times, but Hawke told him that she trusted him, which led to the argument about why Hawke wanted to bring Bethany. Hawke had convinced Bartrand to bring a fifth group member. By convincing it meant another five sovereigns.

Fenris was glowing blue and walked up to Hawke until their faces were only inches apart, “You will see, Hawke. You will see that Carver should have survived.”

He instantly felt a pang of regret inside his chest. Hawke’s shocked expression was enough to tell him that he should leave the mansion first. Fenris did not know what had come over him, it was very much out of line.

Fenris had that moment branded into his mind. He would never forget that, even if he had forgotten the rest of his past.

* * *

When they arrived to Merrill’s cottage in Lowtown, Hawke was stunned by how _fixed_ the house was. There were no holes on the roof, no piled dishes in the sink, and the papers were organized.

Merrill must have been very sick.

Merrill was sleeping in her bed, Isabela was holding her hand by her side. Merrill had beads of sweat on her forehead and was shivering underneath the covers.

“Wake up, kitten,” Isabela whispered, shaking her gently, “Hawke is here with the elfroot.”

Merrill’s eyelids fluttered up and she smiled weakly at Hawke.

“We need to get her into a bathtub.” Anders said.

Fenris walked next to Merrill’s side and picked her up like a child. She was a lot lighter than Fenris had thought, and she was burning hot. Fenris walked to Merrill’s bathroom.

“Someone put some ice cold water in the tub, quickly.” Anders ordered next.

Isabela ran outside and came back with a couple of elven boys with buckets full of water. They dumped the water into the bathtub. Fenris turned his head and waited for Anders’s next order.

“Now, um, we have to strip Merrill of her clothing and lay her in the ice water.”

Fenris felt his face becoming red. Hawke walked over to Fenris and held her arms out, “Give her to me, I can do all of this while you men wait in the other room.”

Fenris slowly laid Merrill into Hawke’s arms. Hawke had no trouble carrying Merrill, and asked Isabela and Aveline to help her undress the sweet elf.

Fenris waited in Merrill’s living room with Anders.

“Alright!” Hawke called out, “What do we do now?”

“My, she certainly has a nice body.”, Isabela added.

“Now,” Anders replied, “add the elfroot into the water and mix them together, but make sure you only add the leaves from the plant, Merrill must eat the root raw.”

“So specific, " Isabela said.

An awkward silence began when Fenris and Anders realized they were the only people in the living room, and it just happened that they hated each other.

“Sooo,” Anders started.

“Silence, mage,” Fenris interrupted, “I do not care to talk with you. This does not make us friends.”

Anders frowned and grabbed one of Merrill’s books about Kirkwall history.

Half an hour passed until Hawke’s voice appeared, “Okay, she is cooling down, can we take her out now?”

“I don’t mind washing Merrill’s body longer.” Isabela purred.

“Shut up whore,”

“Oh Aveline dear tell me that she doesn’t have the loveliest--”

“Anyway!” Hawke yelled over the two, “What do you say Anders?”

Anders shook his head, “Please get her out of that tub. We do not need hypothermia now.”

Fenris heard water splashing and Merrill whimpering.

“I know Merrill, I’m sorry, I know it’s cold.” Hawke replying to her cries.

“It’ll be alright, kitten.”

The group of women arrived, Merrill wrapped in only a large blanket. She already looked better, the color in her face no longer faded.

“Do you want us all to stay?” Hawke asked.

“N-no, it is alright. I will be fine. I feel a lot....warmer.”

“ I am staying right here.” Isabela announced, “I want to take care of this beautiful elf.”

Hawke rolled her eyes, “Well, off to the Hanged Man then! A celebration for Merrill’s health, even if she will not be there.”

* * *

 

Nora brought another large pitcher to Varric’s long table.

“How does it feel Broody that Hawke saved your ass?” Varric laughed. The group discussed what had happened earlier and also the tale of Hawke’s amazing shot.

Fenris turned away and looked at his beer.

“Oh come on Fen,” Hawke complained, “don’t be all dramatic. Let’s have a little fun!”

Hawke grabbed the pitcher and refilled all of their glasses, “Let’s begin! It won’t be as fun without Isabela, but at least it’ll be shorter!”

Anders was the first to pass out. He persisted on but it was too much for him and instead decided to take a nice nap on the floor. Nora brought more pitchers and the drinking game kept going.

Aveline declared she was finished. She stood up and ended up falling over on top of the table, which made the rest of the party laugh, even Fenris couldn’t help himself.

It was between Hawke, Fenris, and Varric. They were seeing double and all close to peeing themselves.

“Hawke, you can’t win.” Varric slurred, “We dwarves have superior senses. And I thought elves were lightweights and...and...”

Varric, in a sort of Gladiator replica, raised one fist in the air, and made a noise that was an attempt of a battle cry, until he finally keeled over. Hawke stumbled over to him and dragged him onto his bed in the next room. Then she walked back and sat next to Fenris.

“How many pitchers have we had?” Hawke asked.

“Does it matter?” Fenris answered. Barely.

“Hawke,” Fenris began. He cleared his throat. He did not know if it was the alcohol, or if he just had a sudden burst of confidence, but he had to say something.

“I just want you to know that it was very rude what I said to you about Car--”

“ _Shhhhh_ ,” Hawke pressed her index finger against Fenris’s lips. Her hands were rough, callused from holding the string on her bow. Fenris liked that. Danarius had such soft hands that would pet through his hair. Hawke’s finger was nice.

“That was a long time ago. I want to win, therefore if I win, you have to let me give you a haircut.”

“Deal.” Fenris replied, “And if I win, I will be allowed to hunt my own food on quests and no more soup.”

“Deal!” Hawke replied and they banged cups together.

They drank and Fenris begin to feel sick. Looking at Hawke’s face, she was very green as well. Fenris couldn’t keep his stomach down and ran to the men’s quarters and emptied out the alcohol. He walked back and found Hawke standing on the table holding her pitcher.

“I won you whores!” she yelled. Fenris hid his grin. He suddenly felt a great wave of dizziness, and it looked like Hawke did too. The last thing he saw before he passed out was Hawke losing her balance and falling off the table. Fenris couldn’t help but admire that Hawke looked extremely gorgeous, even if she was drunk.

And Hawke thought Fenris looked quite attractive shit-faced as well.


	3. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hell breaks lose, in a very strange sense.

When Hawke woke up on Varric’s table in the Hanged Man, the only thing she could focus on was the terrible headache and nausea she was experiencing. She looked around. Varric was still snoring on his bed. Aveline was underneath the table mumbling things about Wesley. Where was Fenris and Anders?

 _Oh Maker_ , Hawke thought as she brought herself off the table. She was dizzy as soon as she took her first step, _I really don’t need those two arguing right now._

Hawke heard footsteps coming up the steps from the bar into Varric’s little parlor. She turned her head to find Fenris with two cups filled with Elfroot tea.

“I,” he started nervously, “I have tea that Nora brewed for us. She said it’s supposed to help the after effects.”

“Thanks.” Hawke replied as Fenris handed her a mug. She drank the bitter tea slowly.

“Do you know where Anders is?” She asked Fenris.

Fenris frowned and shook his head, “He probably has crawled back to his clinic.”

Hawke nodded. She didn’t know why Fenris and Anders just couldn’t get along. It’s not like they have to become best friends, but they could at least try becoming acquaintances.

Hawke shook Aveline and Varric awake. Nora brewed more tea for them to soothe their hangovers.

“Who won?” Varric asked.

Hawke raised her hand in the air, “I get to trim Fenris’s hair. That thing on his head looks like a rag.”

Varric chuckled as Fenris scoffed at Hawke.

“So what now?”, Aveline asked.

“Now we have to go find Anders.” Hawke said.

* * *

****

Nowhere to be seen.

Anders was usually at his clinic in mid-day, but it looked as if he never even arrived to Darktown.

Hawke was beginning to worry, “Well maybe he is at Merrill’s?”

Aveline nodded, “Don’t worry Hawke, he ought to be somewhere in Kirkwall at least.”

“That doesn’t help!” Hawke yelled. She walked in front as they began to take to path to Lowtown.

Fenris’s fist clenched. He didn’t know why Hawke was so worried about the mage. If he himself went missing, perhaps no one would care. It was immature to think these thoughts, but he couldn’t help feeling annoyed about Hawke’s behavior.

When they arrived to Merrill’s home in the Elven Alienage, Hawke knocked on the door with no reply.

“Maybe no one is in there,” Varric proposed.

“Merrill wouldn’t leave so soon in her condition.” Hawke responded.

She opened the door cautiously, as if expecting for a sudden attack, but absolutely nothing happened.

“Come on, let’s leave.” Aveline said.

Suddenly, a loud moan filled the air. The group all made eye contact.

 _What. The. Fuck._ Hawke thought.

The group walked to Merrill’s bedroom with light footsteps. Though it was invading privacy, Hawke’s curiosity had the best of her.

 _Oh Maker, are Anders and Merrill together?_ was the first thought that went through Hawke’s mind. But when she stuck her head through to Merrill’s bedroom, she was in shock.

First she saw Merrill’s tattooed face, and then she saw on Merrill’s nightstand two famous daggers. Heartbreaker, and Backstabber.

“Maker!” Hawke shouted as she stuck her hand out in front of her to cover the scene. With a yelp, Merrill pulled the covers over her entire body, including her head, under the covers, while Isabela made herself nice and comfortable stretching out her arms, her breasts barely being concealed.

“Oh tell me you didn’t see this coming Hawke.” Isabela said, “Besides, it was either her or Fenris, and I was feeling _creative_. And well, a bit in love.”

Fenris’s face turned bright red. Hawke glared at Isabela.

“What?” Aveline scoffed, “Did you just say that you’re in love, Isabela?”

“That’s right firecrotch.”, Isabela replied, “It seems I have a little feeling for this elf. Jealous?”

Aveline rolled her eyes as Merrill tried reaching for her robes. Hawke picked them up with two fingers and threw them on the bed.

“Well sorry for interrupting I guess.” Hawke said, “We have been trying to look for Anders. After the Hanged Man we all woke up this morning to find out he was missing. He is not at his clinic either.”

“Can’t help you there,” Isabela shrugged, “Though if Fenris would like to join in with Merrill and me, I wouldn’t mind. He seems to be quite interested.”

Fenris realized he had been staring at Isabela’s bosoms the entire conversation. Hawke glared at him.

“Are you done or should we wait?” Hawke snapped at Fenris.

“Now now, Hawke. I can’t help it if my chest is so voluptuous.”

“She has a point.” Varric added.

“Bye Isabela, bye Merrill.” Hawke said as she started to stomp out of the cottage.

“Bye Hawke!”

“ _Let’s go Fenris!_ ”

* * *

  


The group walked outside Merrill’s cottage. Fenris was frustrated with Hawke and was very confused about the events before. Isabela and Merrill? They just didn’t seem like the typical couple, you didn’t see humans dating elves. It was disrespected and shunned upon. Fenris could never see himself mating with a human. Though when he looked at Hawke, for some reason he didn’t even see the differences.

“Do you think they really love one another?” Aveline asked Hawke.

“I don’t know,” Hawke responded, “but things are definitely going to change. Our main focus right now though is to find Anders.”

 Fenris felt his temper rise, “I refuse to do this, I don’t like to work with mages, why should I have to find them?”

“Because he is a person like anyone else!” Hawke shouted back.

“Why do you care so much about him?! He is a _mage!_ A filthy, disgusting one at that” Fenris exploded.

There was a silence. Hawke stared at Fenris with watery eyes.

 _Don’t cry Hawke_ , Fenris thought,   _don’t do this again to me. Don't be sensitive. Don't cry from those beautiful eyes._

“He’s my friend, Fenris.” Hawke said softly, “He has been with us for years. Do you expect me to just forget about him? If anything happened to you, I would react the same way.”

Fenris found himself paralyzed with shock, _Hawke....just...said...her eyes...she just said...._

“Now will you help us? We need your strength. Without you we might as well just die where we stand right now.”

Fenris found himself nodding. Hawke smiled, “Thank you, Fen. So I guess we should start looking in the sewers?”

“ _Festis bei umo canavarum_.” He mumbled under his breath.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one kind of seems rushed. My chapters are a lot shorter than other stories, but that might just be because I'm new to this. Leave me suggestions and I'll be most appreciative. I want your input. I'll post next Wednesday with a longer chapter to make up for this one.


	4. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke, Fenris, Aveline, and Merrill search for Anders and discuss the events before.

"Maker it stinks down here," Aveline complained. Hawke, Fenris, Aveline, and Merrill were walking through the sewer tunnel, trying to find Anders. They had been searching for hours now, but still no sign of the mage.

"Come on guys he has to be down here!" Hawke said. The group had only encountered slavers and thieves, taking them out quickly. They had to fight carefully since they didn't have a healer with them. Aveline use her shield for most attacks while Hawke and Merrill separated themselves farther from the battle zone. Fenris fought as he usually did, because he never had Anders heal him anyway.

"So!" She started," Merrill! How did this whole Isabela thing start?"

Hawke had to bring Merrill since they needed a mage on the team. At first, Isabela protested.

"She is still sick! She could be open to even more diseases!"

"You would know about diseases wouldn't you, Isabela?" Aveline smirked.

"Enough!" Hawke yelled, "I think it is Merrill's decision if she wants to help us find Anders or not.  We need a mage to take out enemy archers if we encounter any. Anders is obviously missing and Bethany can not just stop being a Grey Warden!"

"I will go," Merrill said suddenly.

"But kitten,"

"Isabela, I am almost back to my healthy state. I'll be fine."

Isabela frowned, "Fine. If you all need me I'll be at the Hanged Man drinking myself into the abyss."

Now the group in the sewers all laid their eyes on blushing elf.

"Well, when all of you were trying to find elfroot," Merrill started, "Isabela stayed by my bedside the entire time. She never left me."

"Right before I fell into my severe fever, Isabela confessed that she had never cared about someone as much as she did at that moment. After you all came and left to the Hanged Man to celebrate, well, Isabela and I, umm--"

"We understand." Fenris interrupted, "Now can we move on so we can get through with this as fast as possible?"

 _He is a lot more angry ever since the trip down Sundermount,_ Hawke thought.

"Fen, how has that injury on your arm been recently?" Hawke asked.

"It's fine," Fenris snapped.

"Can I at least see it? Please?"

Hawke waited.

Fenris nodded, "If you must."

Hawke walked to Fenris's arm and untied her red handkerchief. She looked to see the gash looked as if it was healing, but the corners of the cut were showing the hints of infection.

Hawke reached into her quiver that held all of her bows. At the bottom, she saw a few shredded leaves of elfroot she had shoved in it from a couple of quests before.

She grabbed the leaves and added a dab of health poultice onto them.

"Here." She said kindly. Hawke rubbed the paste onto Fenris's arm slowly. Hawke admired his tattoos that curved and tangled around his arms like vines. She felt his eyes on her as she carefully wrapped the handkerchief around his arm again. The group moved on.

The group came onto an opening that which led onto three different tunnels.

"What now?" Aveline asked.

As if on cue, the ground began to shake. A loud stomping noise came from the middle tunnel.

" _Ogre!"_ Aveline cried out.

Hawke brought out her bow in one swift movement and began to aim, "I think I can take it out through it's eye!"

"What?!" Fenris yelled, "It will run straight into you. Move!"

"I can do this!" Hawke replied.

She saw the shape of the ogre as it came into view.

 _Why are darkspawn in the sewers?_ Hawke thought.

"Hawke  _move!"_ Fenris barked.

Hawke squinted her eye. The ogre appeared, black drool hanging from it's mouth. Hawke had a perfect target right in the center of its forehead.

 _Steady,_ she thought.

Suddenly, something tackled her to the side, forcing her bow to fly out of her hands. The ogre charged past Hawke.

Hawke turned her head that was crushed into the ground to see Fenris was on top of her.

" _What the hell have you done?!"_  Hawke shouted. She shoved Fenris off of her and jumped to her feet. The ogre cried into the air, stunning Aveline as she fell down.

" _Over here, you ugly mutt!_ " Hawke yelled to the Ogre. the giant darkspawn turned around and charged. Hawke grabbed her dagger from the belt wrapped around her leg where it usually rested. _  
_

Hawke took a running start and as the space in between the two began to close, Hawke took a flying leap into the air and stabbed her dagger straight into the ogre's eyes.

The ogre shrieked and tried to grab Hawke, but she twisted it further inside, blood spurting out. 

The ogre stumbled. Hawke tore out the dagger and stabbed the ogre once again in the middle of its forehead. The beast stumbled, and as it began to fall. Hawke ripped out her dagger and jumped off it's enormous face, landing in the most elegant way, covered in blood.

She leaned over and breathed heavily. She snapped her head towards Fenris,

"Do you know how much danger you could have caused?"

"You could have been killed, Hawke." Fenris reply angrily.

" _I don't care about my own life!_ " Hawke screamed, " _I care about everyone else! Now where is my bow?!"_

"Umm, Hawke?" Merrill's voice spoke, Hawke turned her head around to the elf. Merrill was holding something in her arms, as if it was a child.

" I'm sorry," Merrill said as she opened her arms to reveal Hawke's bow, crushed to pieces.

* * *

Fenris didn't know Hawke's bow would break. 

" _No_ ", she whispered so softly that it was almost hard to catch. Merrill handed her the pieces and Hawke fell to her knees, cradling what was left of her weapon to her chest.

"I'm so sorry  _Cousland._ " She said gently.

 _Cousland_. That was the name of the Hero of Ferelden that had defeated the Blight. Hawke had named it after the Hero because the Warden herself was also an archer. Fenris had seen Hawke fight with the bow as a shield and it still never had a scratch. Apparently the white object was made out of something that Hawke never spoke of. It was the bow her father had given her when Hawke began to hunt for her family to survive. It held memories from Ferelden that Fenris didn't even know. The ogre had to have stepped on it when Fenris tackled Hawke out of its way.

The regret inside of Fenris's stomach was excruciating.

"Hawke," he began, "I didn't know--"

Hawke snapped her head to Fenris. Her eyes burning into his.

"Don't say a word, Fenris. Don't say another bloody word."

There was a long silence between the group. Finally, Hawke arose.

"Alright, let us move on. Merrill, can you help me put the pieces in my quiver?"

Merrill assisted Hawke and the group moved on.

About after an hour Aveline stopped.

"This is not helping. I have an idea that Anders is not in here."

Hawke sighed, "Fine. We will end the search tonight and start up right at sun rise."

"I know this isn't the best plan, but how about let us ask the Arishok for help?" Aveline suggested.

The group looked at her in shock.

"Well, if you really think about it," Aveline said, "the Arishok's soldiers always escape or are missing, perhaps he could help us find Anders."

"I agree," Fenris said. Hawke glared at him.

"Fine," Hawke said after a moment, "We will head to the docks and speak to the Arishok at sun rise tomorrow."

* * *

Fenris was not in the least bit tired. After the group rose from the sewers and were back in Lowtown, they all headed to their homes. Well, at least almost all of them. 

Fenris found himself walking in Hightown at night. After Hawke and the team had taken out all of the Invisible Sisters, people began to walk outside their houses and enjoy the night sky. Even few merchants would open their shops during the night.

Fenris was walking past the Blooming Rose when he approached a cart full of flowers.

"Flowers from all over Thedas! You won't find any other beautiful flora in Kirkwall!" A merchant shouted.

Fenris looked top to bottom at all the different varieties of flowers. He was distracted by one that had white petals that turned into a red in the center. Fenris leaned and sniffed the flower.  _Honey_ , he thought as the aroma filled his nose.

"Oh that flower is quite a special one!" The merchant said to Fenris, "It's called A Wilds Flower! Only found on the outskirts of Ferelden in the Korcari Wilds! Rumor says the flower lives in the same area that the Witch of the Wilds does! Amazing!"

 _Ferelden,_ Fenris thought. He remembered Hawke talking about her life in Ferelden. He probably thought that she had not seen anything that reminded her of her old life from Kirkwall.

"How much?" Fenris asked the merchant.

"One sovereign!"

" _One sovereign?"_

"This is the last one I have! Not to mention it can also heal whatever disease or cut you have!"

 _That would have been convenient,_  Fenris thought.

"It also comes with your very own pot and dirt and--"

" _Fine!_  I will have it."

Fenris paid and walked back to his mansion. Now all he had to do was think of what to say to Hawke once he gave her the flower.

_Hi Hawke, sorry for breaking your bow you've had almost your entire life. Here's a flower._

_Hey Hawke, my condolences for your loss, have a flower._

_Hello Hawke, flower?_

Fenris shook his head. He would know what to say once he arrived at Hawke's mansion. He walked with the flower in the pot with his right arm against his side. 

Fenris began to walk outside. He was almost arriving when a pack of five men approached Fenris.

"Hey you!" the man who guessed to be the leader said, "You are that elf who went to the Deep Roads, right?"

"That is correct," Fenris replied.

"That means you got sovereigns! Pay us and you won't get hurt!"

"I am afraid I can not do that."

"Then we'll just have to kill you, won't we?"

"I am afraid that will not happen either."

Fenris drew out his sword. He realized now that he would be fighting with his left hand, but he knew if he was fast enough, this would be a quick battle.

Two men first attacked Fenris. Fenris blocked the first thief's attack and brought his sword through the man's skull. The other thief raised his sword, but Fenris sliced through the man's stomach. Another thief ran from behind and Fenris used the butt of his sword to hit the man's groin. The man grabbed his crotch and Fenris once more used the butt again to hit the thief's forehead. Fenris knew he was dead by the sound of the crunching noise.

Fenris looked for the other two men but was surprised when he felt a sharp pain on his left shoulder. Fenris fell to the ground, protecting the flower against his chest and rolling. He looked up to see the leader with two daggers, one of them glistening with Fenris's blood. The leader brought down his two daggers, but Fenris rolled again and grabbed his sword. In one swift movement, he brought the sword up through the leader's stomach. The leader opened his mouth and gagged on the blood that was now gushing through his throat. He fell beside Fenris, dead as he reached the ground.

Fenris picked himself up and looked for the last thief. He saw the man trying to run away. Fenris threw his sword towards the man. It flew into the air until finally came down upon the thief's leg. The thief shrieked into the air as he fell, now with only one leg.

Fenris walked the to cowardly thief.

"I'm s-sorry s-sir," the thief said trembling.

Fenris felt the lyrium burning in his veins. He ignored the glowing blue that was engulfing him. He reached into the thief's chest.

The theif stared with horror as Fenris had a hold of his heart. Fenris held the heart and ripped it out of the thief's body.

The glow around Fenris faded slowly. Fenris checked the flower. 

 _Not one scratch,_ Fenris thought. The flower still looked like how he had bought it from the shop. A miracle had just happened.

Fenris noticed the pain in his left shoulder. He could feel his own blood dripping down from his arm.

 _I need to get to Hawke's home._ He thought.

Fenris walked the rest of the way to Hawke's mansion.

When he knocked on the door, he heard Bodahn's cheery voice.

"Serah Hawke! Sorry to wake you my dear, but it seems you have a visitor!"

Fenris heard Hawke's irritated voice, "Maker! Who would need me in this time of night? Who the bloody--"

Hawke opened the door.

"Fenris?!" Hawke's eyes turned wide, "You are covered in blood! What happened to you?"

"Umm," Fenris hesitated, "It seems there are a new group of thieves in Hightown."

"Well get inside!" Hawke motioned her arm, "Bodahn? Can you bring some towels and a bucket of water please?"

"Right away serah!"

Fenris walked in to Hawke's mansion. He was still surprised to what Hawke lived in now rather than the home she use to live in.

"Sweetheart?" Fenris heard Hawke's mother call from upstairs, "What is going on dear?"

"Fenris is hurt mother," Hawke replied, "Can you light a fire?"

Fenris was brought to Hawke's room. Fenris looked around at the furnished clean room. He looked at her bed. Sheets were tangled from when she was sleeping.

"Please sit down on my bed," Hawke insisted, "let me take a look at your wounds."

"I have...something."

"What?"

"Flower...here."

He guessed with all the commotion he had caused, Hawke still hadn't noticed the flower in his right arm.

Hawke took the pot and looked at the flower.

"This is," she said slowly, "a Wilds flower."

"Korcari Wilds, correct?" Fenris asked.

"Yes. Where did you get this Fen?"

"A merchant had one."

Hawke stuck her nose and sniffed the flower.

"The honey smell. The last time I saw one of these was in Ferelden."

Bodahn walked inside Hawke's room with towels and a bucket of water.

"Here you are Miss!"

"Thank you Bodahn. You can head to bed now. Everything is alright."

"Yes Miss! Thank you! Goodnight!"

Bodahn shuffled out of the room. Hawke walked to her nightstand and set the pot down. She walked back to Fenris and kneeled down. She grabbed one towel and dipped it in the water. She began cleaning Fenris's shoulder.

"I thought," Fenris began. Now that things were settled, he had no clue on what to say. 

 _I should have known what I was to say,_ he thought.

"I thought that since the matter back at the sewers, that I would try to apologize in some sort of matter that regular people do."

"Regular people, " Hawke laughed, "so you brought me a flower?"

"I know it can not make you forgive me but--"

"Fenris," Hawke said.

Fenris turned his head to Hawke. He stared into her light blue eyes.

"It's a nice gesture," Hawke smiled.

Fenris felt something in his chest when she smiled. It was the pain of regret that he had felt before. It was something more....exciting.

"Do you know what Fereldens used the flower for?" Hawke asked, now moving on to Fenris's other arm.

"The merchant said healing," Fenris answered.

"Well, they would use to to cure the Marbari war dogs before the wars, so they would be healthy and uninjured to attack."

Fenris felt a tugging at his arm. Hawke was untying the red handkerchief once more on his arm. She pulled it off to reveal an infected gash.

"Damn it!" she cursed. Hawke then turned her head to the flower.

"No Hawke," Fenris said, "That flower is a gift, not my bandage."

"Are you sure? Because I think it would cure it right away."

"It is yours now. Keep it."

Hawke smiled back at Fenris, and the feeling returned to his chest.

"Alright," Hawke spoke, "At least tell me you will sleep in the guest bedroom here tonight? I do not want you going back out there."

"Hawke--"

"Just do it for me, okay? My mother still has a few of Carver's old clothes that you can change into." Hawke said.

Fenris paused. 

"One night," he said.

"Of course," Hawke replied.

Hawke dipped the red handkerchief in the bloody water, "I think I'll get all of these towels cleaned. Take a bath. We have hot water and a well that we take the water from. Just use the pump in the bath, and open the cap over the faucet, and it should all just run out.

Fenris nodded. In his mansion he had to refill his bucket from outside and fill up the bathtub. By the time he had enough water to take a bath, it was freezing.

Hawke brought out a strange bandage Fenris had never seen.

"Spider silk," she said, as if reading his mind, "Sandal made it into some sort of a bandage. It is a lot stronger than other types of injury kits."

Hawke wrapped Fenris's arm and shoulder with the spider silk. Fenris stood up and noticed the silk was surprisingly comfortable.

Hawke lead Fenris to the guest bedroom. It had a large bed with clean sheets and a canopy above it. It had it's own fireplace and bathroom.

Fenris turned around to Hawke, "I guess this is goodnight then."

He turned back around and a hand landed on his uninjured shoulder.

"Fenris? I need to say one last thing," Hawke said.

Fenris turned back to Hawke.

"Yes?"

Hawke nibbled on her bottom lip. She did this when she was thinking or nervous. Fenris liked it for some reason.

"I...I just wanted to say that I forgive you for breaking my bow," Hawke said in one breath.

Fenris failed at hiding his surprised face.

"It's just, "Hawke continued, "I realized that the bow was going to break anytime soon. I knew that I couldn't have just one bow forever, right?"

Hawke chuckled, "I'm treating it as if it is a person. I know that you only wanted the best for me. It's just that things go wrong."

Fenris felt the edges of his mouth turn upwards into a smile, "Thank you, Hawke."

Hawke nodded and turned around, heading back to her own bedroom. Fenris looked at the bedroom he was in now. 

He took a hot bath for the first time in years. He cleaned his armor with an extra towel that Bodahn had set out.

Fenris walked into the guest bedroom, opened the dresser, and looked at the clothes that Carver had once worn. Fenris had never seen Carver before, for he had died before Hawke had arrived to Kirkwall. For all he knew now was that Carver was a giant man with clothes that were much too big for the elf's body. 

He settled on a white silk shirt and black cotton pants Leandra must have made. He rolled up the sleeves and cuffs on the clothes. 

Fenris walked towards the bed. It had been a long time since he had slept in one of those as well.

He pulled the comforter and sheet and laid inside the bed. He pulled the covers again back over himself and closed his eyes.

He watched the fire dim slowly, the room being filled with the dark sky.

He fell asleep thinking of Hawke's bright blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did it! It took me about three hours but I finished this chapter! Tell me your thoughts and any ideas for the next one! Thanks for reading!


	5. Too Long to Explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke has an interesting mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG  
> After tons of stress packed work I have been working on for months now, I can finally rest and finish this thing. I'm still not the best writer but I enjoy my own story line.

Fenris woke up to a loud crash.

He jumped out of the bed in Hawke's guest bedroom and grabbed  _Lethendralis_ and sprinted down the stairs.

"Hawke!" Fenris shouted. He heard another loud crash coming from the back of the mansion. He took a deep breath and prepared for a battle. Danarius was the name that threw itself into his head. What if his former master was capturing Hawke? Or he could be torturing Hawke as he did so long ago to Fenris. The lyrium filling itself throughout her body.

Another crash. Fenris was becoming closer to the noise that was coming from the door to Hawke's hidden backyard. He slammed the door open and there she was, throwing daggers at vases.

Hawke turned her head towards Fenris and started giggling. Fenris had forgotten that he was still wearing Carver's old clothing and he must have looked like an idiot.

He hid the embarrassed look on his face, replacing it with anger.

"What the hell could of had happened!" he yelled, "I do not do well with sudden noises Hawke!"

"Oh broody quit your pouting," Varric appeared beside him. The dwarf always seemed to appear out of no where, probably because of his very minuscule height.

“By the way, you pull off Carver’s clothing very well.”

Fenris rolled his eyes and looked at Hawke. She was back to throwing daggers, missing almost every single vase that were set on a dining table.

“Varric,” Hawke turned back, “could you set up a new row please and grab me a few more knives?”

“Sure sweetheart.” Varric replied. He shuffled towards a big pile of old vases that probably were found in the abandoned mansions around Hightown. In fact, as Fenris looked closer, he could see a symbol that he knew very well. He stuck his sword on the ground and walked closer.

“You broke into my house?!” Fenris yelled. The vases had Danarius’s insignia.

Hawke halted and picked up a pitcher of water. Her black hair stuck to her face and her hands were raw.

“I’ve been practicing a new type of weapon.”, Hawke said as she saw Fenris’s eyes looking at her hands, “Since, ya know, it’s pretty hard to find an actual good bow in this city.”

Fenris felt the guilt in the pit of his stomach.

“But!” Hawke smiled, “I’m getting better! I’ve been up for a while now, a bit before sunrise. Isabela is going to train me.”

“What was your bow made out of?” Fenris asked.

“Oh ya know, dragon bone.”

“What.”

“Yeah and it’s not like those draglings, it was high dragon quality.”

The pain in Fenris’s stomach turned into a fiery cave.

“Anyway,” Hawke carried on, “How about you put on some fitting clothes and I’ll have Bodahn make us some breakfast?”

Fenris grabbed his sword and began to walk into the mansion. As he was beginning to walk through the doorway, right across his face he felt a swift air. He looked at the dagger on the mansion wall.

He turned his head and saw Hawke wiggling her fingers.

* * *

 

Hawke washed her bleeding hands in a bucket of water. Though she tried to be careful, few daggers had cut into her hands. The knives were much heavier than Hawke thought, and they slid in between her fingers. She was use to holding her bow gently and softly. She looked at her reflection from the mirror in her room. She shook out her hair and patted her face with the water. Varric had left, but not after saying of course how beautiful the wonderful Marian Hawke was. She smiled at the thought. She was insecure about few things. How scary her ice blue eyes were. How her cheekbones stuck out too much.

Hawke walked downstairs into the dining room and smelled the scent in the air, which she recognized it very well. She walked into the kitchen and saw Bodahn on the tip of his toes flipping a mixture of eggs, flour, sugar, butter, and salt in a pan. It made a circular cake that was toasted light brown.

“Smells good Bodahn.”

“Why thank you messere!”

Hawke grabbed a few plates and walked back to the dining table. She folded sewn cotton napkins and set down the silverware. Fork on the left side and knife on the right. That’s how her mother taught her at least.

Speaking of Mother, Hawke thought.

“Mother! Stop messing with your hair and come down for breakfast!”

“Marian darling that is no way to talk to your mother.”

“Alright old lady.”

“That’s better.”

Hawke could hear her Mother’s footsteps closer. Leandra was very beautiful for her age. Her dark gray hair was down on her shoulders, unpinned and unbrushed. She had very few wrinkles on her face, mostly from stress. She sniffed the air.

“Oh this reminds me of your father, Marian. Remember when he would make these? Bodahn’s recipe is almost the same, but there is always an ingredient missing…”

Leandra trailed off and walked to the dining table. She motioned to the fifth chair.

“Who else will be joining us?” She asked.

On cue Fenris walked into the kitchen, shoving a glove on his hand.

“Well, well,” Leandra grinned, “hello there Marian’s….friend. I see you are still here. You stayed all night?”

“Maker Mother!” Hawke lifted her arms in the air, “I wasn’t just going to kick him out of the house after I bandaged him!”

“Fine, fine, no need to shout darling.”

Hawke sighed and walked back into the kitchen. Sandal was squeezing oranges into a pitcher next to Bodahn.

“Almost done miss!” Bodahn spoke.

“Take your time Bodahn, it’s al--”

“Done!”

Bodahn stacked the cakes on a plate and carried it out to the table. Hawke followed with a teapot full of maple syrup. Well, it was not exactly maple syrup. In Ferelden it was easy to make because of all the forests around, but not in the secluded city of Kirkwall. Never.

Bodahn set the plate of brown cakes in the middle of the table. Hawke helped Sandal carry the pitcher of orange juice, and in no time, everyone was sitting at the breakfast table, eating quietly.

Hawke looked at Fenris to see that he had already finished his first helping and was starting on his second. He stabbed his fork into the cakes and slid them onto his plate.

 _Thank the Maker Bodahn makes too much of everything_ , Hawke thought.

“So Marian,” Leandra started, “I was thinking about buying you a nice new dress for the--”

“No mother not right now--”

“Oh but it is a perfect ti--”

“NO MOTHER ANOTHER T--”

“A dress for what occasion?”

Hawke and Leandra turned their heads to Fenris, who had his head cocked to the left with one eyebrow raised.

“It is almost about to be Marian’s birthday soon,” Leandra said cheerfully, “and I was hoping she would at least celebrate it starting with a beautiful dress!”

“Mother,” Hawke complained, “dresses just do not look right on me. Not with this short hair and the fact I am always covered in blood from--”

“We will find something that fits and there is an object called a bath sweetie.”

Fenris interrupted the conversation again, “What is your favorite color Hawke?”

“Is this what everyone calls you now these days Marian? I just do not seem to think how a last name that is a bird is so popular--”

“Mother, shut up.” Hawke interrupted. She looked at Fenris, “Well I always am told I look fabulous in red.”

“But is that your favorite color?”, Fenris asked.

“Of course not, I’m getting there. It is always a battle between blue and purple, so I like to say indigo.”

Leandra leaned towards Fenris, “But with her blue eyes it does not fit well. Red tends to be a more sensual--”

“MOTHER PLEASE SHUT UP.”

Hawke saw Fenris trying to hide his grin.

“Mother...can you please leave and go shopping or something? I have training to do.”

Leandra stood up and grabbed plates, “Of course darling I have to search for the perfect gown!”

As Leandra walked left the room, Hawke sighed a breath of relief.

“She really loves to talk.”

Fenris lifted his eyebrow again, “Why did you keep your date of birth a secret from everyone?”

“Because,” Hawke replied, “I already have enough attention, from the Deep Roads expedition to the meeting of the Arishok.”

Hawke’s expression changed.

“Oh shit!” she yelled, “We are suppose to meet with the Arishok today about Anders! How could I forget something like that?! Alright, skipping the rest of training today. Go to the Keep and grab Aveline for me please?”

Fenris mumbled some elven language. Hawke knew he didn’t like Anders, but she liked to drag Fenris along with her anyway.

“While you do that I will, uh, head to….Merrill’s house.”

Fenris and Hawke both shuddered.

“Hopefully the Maker takes pity on me and I won’t be traumatized again.”

In under five minutes, the two were walking out of the mansion. Hawke reached to put her new daggers into the sheaths on her back. After some awkward positioning and failure, Hawke turned her back towards Fenris.

“Can you please put these stupid knives in the pockets please? I can’t reach.”

She held the daggers behind her and Fenris grabbed them. He slowly inserted them into the sheaths.

“Thank you, be at the Docks in an hour, alright?”

Fenris nodded and walked away. Hawke smiled to herself. She liked it when Fenris did his little confused look. She had been trying to not notice during breakfast, but those puppy dog eyes....

Hawke shook her head and began the walk towards Lowtown. She needed to focus on the task at hand.

* * *

 

As Hawke was about to enter the Elven Alienage she looked down to see the joyful chest-haired dwarf strolling beside her.

“What are you doing here Varric?” Hawke asked.

“Well Hawke, I just saw you walking past Hanged Man and I decided I would tag along.”

“I’m going to see the Arishok with Merrill, Aveline, and Fenris. I’m sorry you can’t come this time.”

“Oh it’s fine, I was more concerned about this elf situation going on.”

“What?”

Varric beamed with pride, “Oh come on Hawke. I know you told me the whole story about him showing up all bruised and cut, but why was he heading to your home in the first place?”

“Well he was walking and he saw that a merchant was selling flowers from all over Thedas. One just happened to be a Korcari Wilds flower.”

“The Merchant did not just give that flower to him for free, Hawke. You do not see those forest flowers a lot these days.”

“Well, I guess so.”

They stopped in front of Merrill’s home.

“Well,” Varric said, “here we are. Have fun!”

“Wait a second! Don’t leave me all alone!”

Varric laughed, “You can do it sweetheart.”

Hawke gulped. She knocked on the door. Loudly. She waited for a second, which made no reply. Right when she was about to open the door, the knob turned and instead of Merrill, Isabela was standing in the doorway, tears streaming down her face.

“Isabela, what the hell happened?"

“Merrill’s gone.”, Isabela cried, “Someone took her. Just like Anders. Oh Maker no.”

Isabela collapsed on Hawke’s shoulder.

Hawke pulled Isabela away from her and looked her in the eyes.

“Stay here. Just in case anyone comes back.”

Isabela nodded.

Hawke ran to the Hanged Man and up into Varric’s room, where he was cleaning his beautiful weapon. He looked up.

“Oh hey Hawke, how did it go?”

“Merrill has been kidnapped Varric, just like Anders. Ready for a trip down to the Docks?”

Varric smiled and swung Bianca behind him.

“Thought you would never ask.”

 

 


	6. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Hawke learns to use her daggers, she also worries about Fenris's wound. The Arishok leads Hawke the path to Anders and Merrill, but what she will see is horrific.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter can be a little bit disturbing, depending on how you picture it in your mind. It's pretty bloody and very visually detailed. I have an editor helping me with my chapters, so every chapter before should be clean and error free!

As Hawke walked through the Qunari compound, she noticed her hands were shaking. She had every reason to be frightened.  She approached the Arishok, beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

“Why do you visit me here today human.” He said in his deep voice.

“Two of my allies have been captured.” Hawke replied, keeping her shoulders back and her posture straight.

“And what makes you think they have been taken?”

“Because they are both mages.”

The Arishok leaned forward.

“What makes you think I know where they are?”

Hawke swallowed. How did she think he knew?

“I just feel like you would know.” Hawke mumbled. The Arishok stood up and looked down onto her from his throne.

“You should not trust your feelings human. If you want my help, I can not give it to you. But if you want to start your search for your…” The Arishok paused,”... _kadan_ , I would advise to search in the dwarven Deep Roads.”

Hawke raised her eyebrow, “Excuse me Arishok but I do not understand.”

“I would not expect you to.” The Arishok turned, “But you wanted my help, and I gave it to you. This is the only suggestion I can make. Now leave, before the mages reach their _kata._ ”

“What does that mean,” Hawke asked.

“The end, or death.” The Arishok replied.

Hawke thanked the Arishok.

“Do not thank me human, visit only if I was correct.”

Hawke balled her fists. The problem was that the Arishok probably was right.

Hawke walked out of the compound a little angry, but in some way relieved. At least Anders and Merrill were not trapped in some random cavern on the Wounded Coast. That would perhaps take months to find them, and who knows what could have happened.

Varric turned to Hawke, “Well what now Hawke? It’s going to be hard to survive down there in the Deep Roads without a mage. Got any ideas?”

Hawke thought, and then, her eyes lit up.

“Varric, you love telling stories don’t you?”

* * *

 

Fenris, once again, was dragged down to The Deep Roads with Hawke. And, once again, he was stuck with Bethany. Aveline had to be left behind because the group needed a mage, which Fenris highly doubted.

Varric apparently had written a descriptive letter to Stroud, a member of the Grey Wardens, that Hawke needed her sister for their pre-birthday bash at the Blooming Rose. Of course, Stroud knew not to question what Bethany and Hawke were planning on doing at the Blooming Rose, mostly because Varric answered it for him;Male stripper elves doing strip teases to the lovely siblings.

Because now Hawke had revealed her birthday was coming soon, Varric would not let the subject go.

“Oh come on Hawke. I helped your ass with your sister and now you won’t even _tell_ me why you kept your birthday a secret?” Varric asked as he, Hawke, Fenris, and Bethany walked through the paths of The Deep Roads.

“Varric please, I just don’t like parties and big celebrations.” Hawke responded. It was true. Hawke never wanted to have parties when her father died, unlike her siblings. Leandra wanted the best festivals for her youngest, and Hawke was content with that decision.

“Well at least tell me how old you are going to be.” Varric asked, smiling.

“ _NO_.” Hawke yelled back at the dwarf.

“Now now,” Varric kept distance from Hawke, “no need to get all defensive. Alright. Let’s say you were twenty when you first arrived at Kirkwall. So then you did that whole one year thing with that mercenary guy.”

“Meeran.”

“Yeah yeah, Morgan. Anyway, then you met me, the amazing Varric. Then after all the adventuring, the Deep Roads, and Bartrand’s shitty backstab, we all sort up just kept in our own places for about three years until Merrill got sick. So I’m going to say…”

Varric rubbed his chin and pondered.

“About twenty-four, correct?”

Hawke glared, “It’s none of your damn business Varric about how old I am turning.”

“So I’m right.”

“I never said that!”

Varric beamed and backed up to Fenris, “How old are you, elf?”

“That is none of your business, dwarf.”

“Wow you two are very stubborn. A perfect match I would say.”

Hawke felt her face burn. She thought about what Varric was talking to her before in Lowtown. Fenris was now wealthy after The Deep Roads, but he never bought himself another mansion in Hightown. He was clogged in his former master’s home, refusing to leave. Hawke would arrive in his mansion to see him looking out the window, as if waiting for something. Or someone.

It was easy to buy a flower for Hawke. Well, just not any flower, a Korcari Wilds flower. It had been four years since she had seen one. She missed the smell. After Fenris, Leandra, and the two dwarves had fallen asleep, Hawke inhaled the sweetness of the red center. She gently caressed the soft petals and she felt a wetness running down her cheeks. Hawke did not like to cry in public. Merrill told her again and again that crying was not a sign of weakness, but Hawke never believed it.

Hawke smiled to think how the cold, broody elf actually had some sort of emotion. Enough to fight a group of thieves to present her with something so rare.

She looked back at Fenris; he was grabbing his right arm.

“Does your arm still hurt? I thought the spider silk would lower the infection.”

“It is not painful.” Fenris replied, dropping his arm.

Varric popped up out of nowhere again and gave a good punch to Fenris’s arm. The elf flamed blue and grunted.

“ _Ar tu na'din Durgen’len!_ ” Fenris shouted.

“What does that mean?" Hawke whispered to Bethany.

Bethany shrugged, “I have no idea.”

“It means,” Fenris growled, “I will kill you dwarf.”

Hawke stepped in front of a chuckling Varric, “Oh Maker no you won’t. Let me see your arm.”

Fenris’s body aura soon faded and he started shaking off the armor on his right arm. Hawke gently lifted his limb and inspected the cut.

“I just do not see why it’s not getting better! I have dressed this wound every day since we’ve been in The Deep Roads and it still looks as bad as it was in the beginning.”

“How did you receive that wound?” Bethany asked.

“I’ll make it short.” Varric cutted in, “Walking down elf mountain, a Revenant arises from the ground, and broody here gets cut by the gigantic sword those things carry.”

Bethany’s eyes widened with fear. “No.”

Hawke reached for her sister’s hands, “What is it Bethany?”

Bethany pulled away and walked over to Fenris. She reached to touch his arm, but he jerked away.

“Do not touch me mage!” He barked.

“You do not understand.” Bethany said, “I need to freeze the cut.”

“What?” Hawke questioned, “First of all, you are not the expert at elemental magic and second, why do you have to freeze his arm?”

“Not his arm, Marian. I know I practice more spirit magic but I need to freeze the cut shut. Iit should slow the...process.”

“What process Bethany.”

Bethany looked down.

“Tell me Bethany.” Hawke pushed on.

Bethany’s head lifted up.

“A Revenant wounds usually are easy to heal, but if the cut is deep enough, and if it is combined with lyrium mineral, it could be...poisonous.”

Hawke looked at Fenris. He had no emotion on his face. It looked like he had already died.

“Is there any cure?” Hawke asked as she stared into the elf’s eyes.

“Yes, but Fenris will not like it. In fact, he will hate it.”

Fenris walked forward from the group. “I do not care what you have to say. Let us move on.”

Bethany sighed and began walking as well. Hawke walked along with her sister and whispered, “Bethany what is the cure?”

“I can not tell you. It will hurt you too much.” Bethany replied.

“I’m his friend, Bethany.”

“Another time, Marian.” Bethany walked faster, “If Fenris will not let me help him, so be it. Now let’s hurry, we have lost a lot of time.”

* * *

 

Hawke was now a lot better at reaching for her daggers. At first, she could barely reach them and Bethany had to help her. Hawke now could stretch her arms back and pull out the daggers. The Darkspawn hordes were getting bigger as the group walked deeper into the roads.

After a long battle with two darkspawn emissaries, an ogre, and another wave of hurlocks, Hawke fell on her knees with exhaustion.

“Goodness this is tiring.” Hawke said, breathing heavily.

Fenris walked over to Hawke and took off her water flask from her belt.

“Drink water. Let us rest until you have enough energy.”

“No, no.” Hawke said, flapping her hand away from Fenris, “We have to keep going.”

As Hawke began to stand up, she felt herself fall again. An arm wrapped around her waist and picked her up again. She looked to see it was Fenris. He wrapped her arm around his shoulders and began walking with her. Fenris motioned his head towards Varric.

“You have the bedrolls, yes? Lay one out.”

Varric took off the pack that he was carrying for everyone (he was surprisingly much stronger than the elf) and made a nice bed for Hawke.

Fenris gently laid down Hawke onto the bedroll. She did not want to rest, she wanted to keep going. They were wasting enough time already. But as she wrapped up into a little ball as Fenris covered her with a blanket, she fell asleep in just a few minutes.

* * *

 

Fenris watched Hawke sleep. He smiled when she would would make humming sounds or talk in her sleep.

“Mother….shut up.…” she mumbled.

But Fenris also worried. Hawke would sleep so still that it almost looked like she was no longer alive. Fenris would relax once she mumbled another insult.

“Varric….you’re drunk….”

“Aww.” the dwarf overheard, “She dreams of me. Jealous elf?”

“What?” Fenris questioned. He was not paying attention to Varric’s asides recently.

“I’m just saying broody that you have been staring at her for quite a time now, and either you are a creep, or you got a little crush on the little bird.”

Little bird. Hawke hated the nickname. Varric teased her with it all the time. It was not her fault that her last name was the name of a bird species. Besides, the bird did not have an E at the end of their name.

Fenris glared at Varric, “I do not have a ‘crush’ on Marian.”

He automatically regretted it. _Oh no. I just said Marian. In front of Varric. Shit._

Varric chuckled. He walked to Fenris and patted him on the back.

“Oh elf you are a terrible liar. Don’t worry, this secret will be between us. Bethany is sleeping as well over where I was. How about I will be your own personal wingman?”

Fenris picked Varric up with one hand and held him to his face.

“Listen dwarf, I do not have any type of romantic feelings for Hawke.”

“I never said you did Fenris, you just said it yourself.”

“Yes you did!”

“I said you had a crush, not actual romantic feelings.”

“I will rip out your hear--”

“ _WHAT IS GOING ON?!_ ” Hawke yelled.

She rose from the bedroll.

“Fenris, drop Varric.”

Fenris released his hand and Varric landed on his buttocks.

“Are you okay?” Hawke said to Varric, reaching out her hand to help him stand.

“Oh I’m fine.” Varric replied with a big smile on his face, “Don’t blame the elf Hawke, we just were talking. I provoked the….lifting.”

Fenris was surprised. Usually Varric loved getting Fenris into trouble.

Hawke furrowed her eyebrows. “I swear to Maker Varric if he hurt you--”

“Now now sweetheart, threats are not necessary. I could’ve handled everything by myself.”

Fenris walked up to Hawke.

“How long were you listening?”

Hawke turned to Fenris and snapped, “I just saw you holding Varric and threatening to rip his _fucking heart out!!_ ”

“He was not actually going to Hawke.” Varric moved in between the two, “My chest hair would be in the way.”

Hawke could not keep a straight face. She started laughing at Varric’s joke.

“Oh Varric you really know how to make me laugh.”

“That’s what I’m here for -- the comic relief.”

Fenris admired Hawke’s laughter. Her blue eyes shined and the redness appeared on her high cheekbones.

“What’s going on?” Bethany yawned, rubbing her eyes.

Hawke looked at Fenris and returned back to her serious state.

“It’s over now. Let’s clean up and head out.”

As they were walking ahead, Fenris found his cut was itching. It also had a subtle burning to it, but he ignored the pain and walked without saying a word.

* * *

 

Hawke had stopped counting how many days they were inside The Deep Roads. The group did not have much food left, and only Bethany was there to provide water. But Hawke could feel something in her bones that they were getting closer to something. Perhaps it was a hunch, but Hawke kept moving forward.

Suddenly, Hawke heard a yelp. It sounded a bit like...

 _Merrill_ , she thought.

“Did you guys hear that?” Hawke called to her companions.

“Yep!” answered Varric.

Bethany laid her hand on the ground and let the spirit magic run through her hands. She closed her eyes and focused.

“I should be able to connect with Anders….well actually, Justice….if this works.” She said as if she knew the group would ask questions, “I feel something. I am almost there….wait….”

Bethany screamed and picked up her hand and held it. It was burned and had blisters on her palms.

“Bethany!” Hawke cried, yanking out her red handkerchief that use to be around Fenris’s arm, and tied it around Bethany’s hand.

Bethany was gasping. “It’s blood magic. Something is not just hurting Merrill and Anders, but it is strong enough to hurt Justice. When I tried to see who was doing this it was too late. They pushed me out.”

“Wait,” Hawke said, “it’s a person?”

Bethany was breathing slowly now, “It has to be if it is blood magic. Besides, a demon would not have the power nor energy to injure me through Justice.”

Bethany started running forward, “Follow me. I do not know specifically where they are, but I know the general area.”

Hawke followed her sister. Bethany sprinted up stairs and through corridors no one could ever see at first glance. Another yelp was released in the air and Bethany grabbed her hand and flinched.

“We are almost there.”

“Follow the pain?” Varric said.

Hawke rolled her eyes and kept up with her sister. As they began to move closer, Bethany began to freeze her hand to cool the pain. Hawke heard a growl and looked behind her. Fenris’s was scratching his wounded arm.

“You alright back there Fen?”

“The spider silk is just itchy, let’s find the _mages._ ”

Bethany stopped in front of a door.

“This is it,” she said.

Hawke felt a presence.

 _Help me Hawke_.

At first Hawke thought it was Anders’s voice, but when she listened closely, it was a deeper demonic voice. Justice.

 _How the hell are you in my head_ , Hawke thought back.

 _You are closer to the Fade than you seem to think Marian Hawke_ , Justice replied.

Hawke lifted an eyebrow. _What?_

She did not receive an answer, for Bethany crashed open the metal door with a spirit bolt. Hawke ran inside the door and she gasped at the horrific sight.

Merrill was tied onto a wall about fifty feet up. Her hands were spread forward and blood was spilling from the fingertips. Anders was on the other side, soaked in the red liquid while more blood entered his chest. The noises coming out of Anders’s mouth were not his. Justice was screaming in pain. Merrill looked pale and her eyes were rolled up in the back of her head.

Hawke reached behind her back to grab her bow, but then she remembered, she did not have it anymore.

 _Come on Marian think_ , she thought.

An idea popped up in her head. She grabbed her daggers.

“What do you have in mind Hawke?” Varric asked.

Hawke looked at Fenris, “Fen, I need you to throw me up against the wall.”

“What.” the companions said together.

“If you throw me up towards the wall,” Hawke explained, “I can climb the rest of the way with my knives.”

Fenris scoffed, “Hawke that is impossible.”

“Well I’m going to get up there any way I can, it would just be nice if I could get a boost.”

“Can we decide already?!” Bethany yelled.

Hawke stared into Fenris’s eyes. He bent his knees and held his hands out like a cup.

“Alright,” Hawke said nervously, “I will just run for a head start, leap off your hands, and take a leap of faith right?”

Hawke walked a few feet away.

“Ready?” She asked Fenris. He nodded.

Hawke began to run. She stepped carefully so she would aim correctly into Fenris’s palms. As she stepped on his hands, she felt herself being lifted up towards the wall. For almost a second it almost seemed as if she was flying. Hawke slammed her daggers into the wall and slid down slightly. She breathed a sigh of relief.

“Are you alright?” She heard Fenris call.

“Yeah!” Hawke yelled back. She began to climb, ripping out one dagger and stabbing it into the wall. Honestly, even if it was extremely dangerous, Hawke felt like a badass. She climbed her way towards Merrill. The female elf was now ghostly white and blood was now falling like tears down from her eyes and blood emptied from her mouth. Hawke gagged at the sight, but kept pushing herself to help her friend. Hawke was now right next to Merrill. She could feel blood being splattered onto her face and armor.

“Merrill!” Hawke shouted, “You can fight back! Listen to me! Fight!”

Merrill let out a big cry which shook the entire arena-like room. Hawke felt herself sliding down, the daggers losing their grip.

“Come on Merrill, think of Isabela. Whatever, whoever, is doing this to you, it is possible to overcome it! Try Merrill!”

Hawke climbed back up and began to cut the rope tied around Merrill’s waste.

“Bethany!” Hawke looked down at her sister, “Could you make some type of snow cushion?”

“Hawke I can freeze things, not make snow!”

“Shit.”

Hawke looked at Merrill again. The drop was dangerous. She turned her head and looked at Fenris.

“Fenris! Could you catch Merrill?”

“Yes, if I can get into the right position,” Fenris replied.

“Alright!” Hawke moved closer to Merrill’s waist, “I’m going to cut her down, and you need to catch her! If I can interrupt this process, I can cut off Merrill’s…blood!”

Hawke began cutting through the ropes, her left hand hanging on to a dagger. Her hair was now soaked and she felt the blood dripping down onto her shoulders and down her back. As she was about to cut the last rope, she looked down and saw Fenris with his arms ready to catch. Hawke cut the rope. Merrill began to fall down. The blood stopped gushing through her hands and as planned, she landed in Fenris’s arms. As Hawke was moving her right hand to the other dagger, everything began to shake. She turned her head to see Anders, or Justice, was yanking in different directions. The daggers in Hawke’s hands kept sliding. The shaking became worse. A dagger fell out of Hawke’s left hand, and now she was holding on barely to just one. Hawke was slipping.

 _Let go_ , Justice’s voice entered her head once again.

 _No way! I’ll die!_ Hawke replied.

 _Trust the Fade_.  _You will not die Marian Hawke_.

“Get out of my head!” Hawke screamed out.

Cracks began to form on the walls. Everything was falling apart. Hawke knew she had three options. Hold on and be crushed by debris, let go and die, or let go and listen to Justice.

Hawke closed her eyes.

 _Be brave_.

Hawke did not know if she thought that or if Justice told her too, but it did not matter at the moment. Hawke released her hand.

She was falling. There would be no pain once she hit the ground, she would be dead in less than a second. But at the same time Hawke thought of Justice’s advice. She closed her eyes and breathed calmly.

_I better not die because I am going to be very pissed at the Maker._

Hawke held herself in a ball. But the ground never came. In fact, Hawke was not even on the ground. She was barely above it.

Hawke opened her eyes. She was surrounded by a shield. A blue shield. Bethany did not know arcane magic, and Hawke had never seen Anders practice it. Hawke turned her head to look at Varric. His mouth were wide open in shock.

Hawke knew she was not a mage, then who the Maker was shielding her? Varric pointed across from him. Hawke turned her head to see who it was, this savior of hers.

He was no longer surrounded by a blue aura. He was beaming out a white light all over his body. There he was, standing there, looking into Hawke’s eyes.

It was Fenris.   

 

 


	7. Clean Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the group returns to Kirkwall, Varric becomes Fenris's love guru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy I'm finally getting back into writing. *knock on wood*  
> Anyway, if any of you guys have suggestions or comments, feel free to ask! (as long as they are appropriate of course)  
> Warning on this chapter: A little bit gory-ish at the beginning, but that's about it.

Hawke felt the shield disappear and she landed softly on the ground. She saw Fenris looking at his hands.

“What was that?” She asked him.

“I….don’t know.” He replied.

“It’s the injury you received from the Revenant.” Bethany said, “A Revenant’s sword has special power. It increases strength. But it is very dangerous against lyrium. Though you protected Hawke now, the power will consume you. You as well will become a Revenant, Fenris.”

Hawke looked at her friend. He looked at his arm, which was still shining with a white energy. Hawke’s eyes landed on a fainted Merrill. She was wrapped in a blanket and shivering.

Anders, Hawke thought. She looked up to the walls, but she could not find him.

“Where is Anders!” Hawke screamed. They had come this far, and Hawke was not going to leave him behind.

 _Justice!_ , she thought in her head, but there was no reply. She told him to get out, so he was now gone. Hawke began to panic.

 _Please Justice please_ , Hawke begged. The Fade could have been closed by now, but Hawke was not going to give up.

_You little shit you better tell me where you are or I will kill the stray cats and hang them on Anders's clinic door._

_Hello Marian Hawke_ , Justice’s voice appeared. It was quiet, fading away.

 _Under the pile of rocks on your right,_ he whispered. Hawk looked to his direction. She saw a bloody hand twitching outside of the pile of rocks.

“Over here! Help me!” Hawke ordered. She ran to the pile and lifted each rock and threw it behind her. Though she was still shocked by Fenris’s “magic”, she was more concerned about the healer.

Varric stayed with Merrill as the rest of the companions helped Hawke. Hawke was surprised that even Fenris was helping.

There he was. Anders was covered in crusted blood and he moaned slightly.

“Anders wake up!” Hawke cried. He was gagging on blood. Hawke lowered her mouth onto his for CPR. She pushed on his chest and breathed into his mouth again.

Anders’s eyes fluttered open and he coughed blood. Hawke patted his back as he turned to his side and threw up more blood. Hawke took off her water pouch and lifted his head to it. He drank until he could barely speak.

“It was blood magic. Something was controlling Merrill.” He said between coughs. A green light surrounded around him. He was healing himself.

The blood dripped off of him and the rocks that had cut him were now gone. He lifted his hand to Hawke’s face and smiled.

“Justice and I thank you.” He said. Hawke smiled back. She felt Anders's healing throughout her body and the blood drip off of her as well.

“I knew your buddy was trying to help me out,” She replied, “but at the same time I think he was trying to kill me. If Fenris didn’t shield me--”

“What?” Anders interrupted. He lifted his torso and stared into the elf’s eyes, “You _shielded_ her?”

“It’s the lyrium.” Varric interrupted from afar, “When the Revenant cut him back at elf mountain it did some magic mockery with Fenris’s markings and now he has super powers.”

“That does not make me a _mage_.” He snapped. Hawke helped Anders up and led him to Merrill. He reached down and took off her blanket. He grabbed her hands and let the healing do it’s bidding. Merrill opened her green eyes and started crying. The tears were no longer blood. Hawke touched Anders’s shoulder. He turned to her and brought her into a hug. She heard someone clearing their throat. She pulled away saw Varric kicking the ground.

“Well then,” He said,” I think we need to head back up to the city and tell the Arishok he was right. He will be pleased to hear the news.”

Anders picked up Merrill, and the group began the rest of the journey back to Kirkwall.

* * *

 

“What am I doing wrong?!” Fenris asked Varric. When the group finally returned to Kirkwall, and the Arishok was notified of his theory being true, Hawke ordered that everyone needs to go home and rest. Isabela was certainly happy to see Merrill alive and well. Fenris was pacing back and forth in his mansion as Varric was drinking a bottle of Agreggio Pavali.

“Like I said elf, you are not doing anything wrong. You just are not making the right moves. And before you speak, Hawke was _not_ kissing Anders, she was saving his life. CPR. Cardiopulmonary resuscitation. It’s a thing.”

“I know that! I just do not understand what she sees in that abomination!”

“Once again elf, there is a phrase called being friends. Trust me, she does not see anything in him.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do.”

Fenris scoffed. Varric set down the wine bottle and went over to Fenris’s bed.

“Do you sleep in this?” Varric asked.

“No.” Fenris replied.

“Why not? Where do you sleep then?”

“On the roof.”

“What.”

Fenris pointed to his window, “I like to watch the stars before I fall asleep.”

“Doesn’t it get cold?”

“No.”

Varric stepped in front of Fenris, blocking his way from pacing.

“You fell asleep at Hawke’s house perfectly fine,” Varric wiggled his eyebrows.

“That is a different matter,” Fenris retorted.

“Mhm.”

Fenris pushed the dwarf aside, “I just do not know how to….”

“Talk to a lady?” Varric finished.

Fenris sighed. Varric walked out of Fenris’s room and looked around the mansion. Varric sniffed the air, “Well first you have to get these dead bodies out of here. Clean this place up. I’m surprised this place does not smell like, well, rotting corpses.”

“Danarius enchanted them, they do not have the ability to rot.”

“That’s disgusting.”

Fenris looked down at his feet. Varric’s eyes lit up.

“I got it! How about we clean this place up and we invite Hawke over once it’s clean for some, I don’t know, dinner? I will bring over Isabela, Aveline, Merrill, An--”

“ _No Anders._ ”

“Got it. Wake up early tomorrow elf, we got work to do.”

* * *

 

Fenris was covered in cobwebs. Every time he sneezed, Isabela was not ashamed of bursting out laughing. Merrill was scrubbing the floor, Aveline and Isabela were dragging out bodies, Varric was dusting, and Fenris was stuck with cleaning his own room. He was reaching under Danarius’s bed cleaning under it with a sheep wool duster.

Fenris was frustrated and threw the bed up onto the wall. A book was under the bed. Fenris picked it up and opened the pages. It was in Danarius’s handwriting.

 _A journal,_ he thought. But he would never be able to read it, which frustrated him more than anything. Nobody would teach him. Fenris was not patient enough to learn.

“Woa, what’s going on?” Hawke’s voice ringed.

Fenris did not even hear the door open. Hawke was an master rogue.

“Why wasn’t I invited?” She called from downstairs. Fenris laid the bed down and pushed the Danarius’s journal underneath it. Fenris heard Hawke’s footsteps running up the stairs. He tried to wipe the cobwebs off of him as quickly as possible, but it was too late. Hawke stood in the doorway and giggled.

“Why hello there Fenris. I can’t believe you are actually cleaning this place. If you asked me I would’ve helped out!”

“I….did not want to bother you.” Fenris said, scratching the back of his neck.

“Trust me, I can’t bare staying in my mansion with my mother blabbering for more than a hour.”

Hawke walked over to Fenris.

“Here.” she said,”Let me help you get these cobwebs out of your hair. By the way, I still have to give you a haircut, remember?”

She turned Fenris around and sat him down on the bench. She took out her tiny dagger she had since she was a child, from the belt around her calf. It was her father’s, passed down to her.

Fenris grabbed her hand from behind.

“You are not going to cut my hair with that.”

“Oh yes I am,” Hawke said happily.

She began taking out the cobwebs, then Fenris heard the knife cutting off pieces of his hair. She was careful, not trying to scratch his scalp with her fingers. She knew he hated that. Danarius use to always scratch Fenris’s head like a dog.

She walked in front of him and started to cut his bangs. Fenris looked into her icy blue eyes. She smiled. He saw his white locks fall onto the ground. Hawke pulled away and examined her work.

“Done!” She said excitedly. She brought Fenris over to his glass window where he could see his reflection. He looked pretty much the same, his hair just a little bit shorter. His bangs did not cover his eyes and his elf ears stuck out more.

“See? I think I did a pretty good job.”

Fenris rolled his eyes. Hawke walked over to Fenris’s closet and opened it. He had thrown out all of Danarius’s robes when he first moved in and replaced it with his armor and casual clothes. Yes, Fenris had casual clothes.

“Fenris!” Hawke grabbed one a cotton black shirt that he wore when he was sleeping, “You wear actual clothes?!”

Fenris crossed his arms and lifted his chin, “I do not wear my armor to sleep Hawke.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”

Fenris grinned and began cleaning the books and papers he had everywhere.

Hawke picked up a book, “Wow! Have you read this book? It’s one of my favorites!”

Fenris stiffened, “Um, which one?”

“ _Adventures of the Black Fox_.”

Fenris did not know what to say. He did not want Hawke to find out he could not even read the title.

“Yes,” he lied, “it is very well written.”

“This book inspired me as a child to become the best rogue in all of Thedas. Of course I have grown up and know that it is impossible.”

Fenris thought the opposite.

“You can keep the book if you would like to.” Fenris said.

Hawke’s eyes widened and a bright smile filled her face, “Really Fen?!”

“Yes.”

“Oh thank you!”

Hawke wrapped her arms around Fenris for a tight hug. Fenris was not really use to any sort of physical affection, but this one he approved of.

Hawke pulled away clapped her hands, “Alright! Let’s get to work! I’ll clean up that sorry kitchen of yours.”

Fenris watched Hawke walk out of the door of his bedroom, only to be replaced my eavesdropping Varric.

“It is not the best to lie Fenris.”

Varric knew that Fenris did not know how to read because Varric had tried to teach him. Fenris of course was too impatient and said he did not need Varric’s help and he would learn to read on his own time. _That_ was impossible.

Fenris turned his head away, “I did not want her to think little of me.”

Varric crossed the room and begin to dust off the fireplace. “That was very nice of you to give her the book though. Ten friendship points, elf.”

Varric was now inside the fireplace. His short height came in handy sometimes. Fenris looked at his bed. He frowned. The book underneath would always be a mystery to him.

* * *

 

Hawke scrubbed the mold in the sink. Fenris’s kitchen was disgusting. Of course he had not been in it since he moved in, but he made no effort to even wipe the dust on the countertop. She had already thrown out the rotten food and cleaned the dirty dishes. She thought about Anders. He was resting in her mansion;she did not want him anywhere near Darktown. Or Lowtown. Or anywhere outside the doors of the Hawke estate. She also did not tell Fenris. For him to think that Anders was sleeping in the bed he slept in when he was injured. Fenris would be furious.

Which reminded her; Why was Fenris so protective of Hawke lately? She was thankful he saved her life, but he was also at her side most of the time lately. Anytime at night when they would clear the thieves, he would jump in front of her before she could make a deathly strike. He also had been talking to Varric a lot as well. She would walk into the Hanged Man to see them having a deep discussion, then they would shut their mouths when she approached them. And every time Hawke asked what the two men were talking about, Varric would reply, “Oh just man talk.”

She did not see what the problem was. If it was about women, all they had to do was tell Hawke and she would be their love guru. Though Hawke never really thought Fenris as the romantic type.

Hawke snapped back into reality and realized she had been scrubbing the sink for a good amount of time. It did not have a trace of mold on it. Hawke sighed and walked back out into the main hall of Fenris’s mansion. It looked almost completely different. There would always be the cracked glass ceiling. Hawke had no idea how the rain did not ruin the mansion when it would fall through the empty pieces. Hawke yawned, she had been very busy lately. Merrill felt better by the time they reached outside of the Deep Roads, but Anders was a different case. The temporal separation between him and Justice had almost killed him. Though he healed himself physically, his soul was weakened.

“Hawke,” she heard a voice clear her thoughts, “Are you alright?”

She blinked to see Aveline’s confused look.

Hawke nodded back, “Yeah, it’s just been pretty stressful lately.”

“Go home Hawke,” Aveline said, “you need rest too.”

Hawke nodded and shouted a goodbye to Varric and Fenris upstairs. She turned around and opened the mansion door to see the starry night sky.

“Wait!” she heard Fenris’s voice shout, “Let me...walk you home.”

Hawke laughed, “Fenris I think I know where my house is.”

“You may never know when a group of thieves decide to attack you.”

Hawke laughed again. She liked it when Fenris showed his sarcastic side.

They walked quietly, side by side.

“So…” Hawke started, trying to break the awkward tension.

Fenris did not know what to say, “Uh, so, I have been wanting to ask. Are you and Anders…?”

Hawke coughed, “Oh! No no no. Anders does not attract me in that sort of way. He would be too high maintenance anyway, with Justice and all.”

Fenris nodded. Hawke thought she saw him breathe a sigh of relief.

“Why do you ask?” Hawke questioned.

“No apparent reason, you two have just been very close recently. It made me curious,” Fenris responded.

“Anders is my _friend_ Fenris. I care about him, but not in a romantic way.”

Hawke looked up at the stars. She could see the many constellations that filled the night sky. The large city blocked the wind and tamed the smell of Thedas. Hawke missed both of the senses. She did not experience them anymore.

“Fen,” Hawke said to the elf as they walked, “I know we don’t always get along, but I’m glad you put up with me, most of the time.”

A silence filled the air.

“It should be me saying your words,” Fenris finally replied, “I am not kind to you as much as you are kind to me.”

They finally arrived in front of Hawke’s estate.

“Well,” Hawke said, “here we are. We obviously were not attacked.”

The elf and the human looked at each other.

“Well, then,” Hawke began to walk backwards to the door, “be careful on your way back. Take care of that wound, okay? Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Hawke,” Fenris replied.

Hawke opened her door and closed it. She turned around and leaned on the door.

They had only walked for a short amount of time, but it felt like hours.

Hawke walked into her room and prepared for bed.

The smell of honey helped her fall asleep.

 

 


	8. A Warm Scar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One mistake Fenris accidentally makes could change Hawke in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post. My editor hasn't been keeping up lately. This chapter has not been edited. The dialogue and story will not change, but in the next couple of days, some words may switch, some format errors will be fixed, etc.  
> Thanks for waiting!  
> By the way, if any of you guys are interested in League of Legends, or know anyone who is, I have another fic that I have been working on that is in my works called The Moon Also Rises. Check it out!

Hawke finally returned Anders to his clinic after a week of resting. Now it was the time for questions.

“Do you remember who kidnapped you and Merrill?” Hawke asked the mage.

“No,” Anders replied, “all I know is that it was a mage who is an expert at blood magic. Perhaps they could have been possessed by a demon, but like what Bethany said, demons cannot pass through Justice and hurt another being. What happened to your bow by the way?”

“It’s a long story.”

Hawke knew that Fenris was fuming about Anders staying at her Mansion. He found out eventually, Hawke was terrible at keeping secrets. He was so frustrated that he did not even argue with Hawke, and that surprised her.

“Well Anders,” Hawke said, smiling, “You better be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Anders walked closer to Hawke and stroked her cheek, “I’ll be safe.” Hawke felt her face becoming red. Ever since she had the talk with Fenris about Anders, she looked at the mage in a different way. It had become more obvious that he had strong feelings for her, but Hawke could not see Anders and her having a committed relationship. Hawke moved her head to the side and took a step back.

“Bye for now,” she said, trying to sound energetic. She made her way out of Darktown with Fenris, Merrill, and Aveline. Bethany had returned with the Grey Wardens, which made Hawke upset, but there was no escaping it.

“What do we do now?” Merrill asked.

“How about some drinks at the Hanged Man?” Hawke suggested. Everyone nodded and to Lowtown they traveled.

 

* * *

 

Hawke was tipsy, but not drunk. Fenris watched her as she moved her arm to Nora to order another pitcher.

“I don’t think you want to keep drinking Hawke,” Varric suggested, being a tad tipsy himself, “We don’t want another accident happen.”

“Shut up Varric,” Hawke replied. Fenris worried about the human. She became very upset when Bethany left, and it seemed she was at the bar every night at the Hanged Man, drinking her sorrows away. Fenris would arrive in the morning to find Hawke puking in the public toilet. She was ignoring her duties and the Arishok’s request of having Javaris Tintop found.

Hawke was chugging down the pitcher of ale with both of her hands. She set the pitcher onto Varric’s table, and fell backwards, laughing as she lied on the floor. A few minutes later, she was passed out.

“Hey elf,” Fenris heard the dwarf, “Why don’t you take Hawke back to her estate?”

Varric gave Fenris an over exaggerated wink. Fenris bent over and picked up Hawke from the ground, holding her like a child. She was lighter than Fenris had thought. He presumed with all the armor the rogue would be much heavier.

Hawke snuggled herself into Fenris’s chest, and he smiled. It was one of the best feelings in the world.

Fenris started carrying Hawke out of Lowtown. He adjusted her so she was on his back, her arms around his shoulders and her legs against his hips. Hawke’s face was turned on Fenris’s shoulder. She began her mumbling.

“....Carver” she whispered. Fenris felt a heaviness on his heart. It had been many years, but Hawke still frowned sometimes whenever her little brother was mentioned.

“It’s okay…ffennn….”

Fenris felt himself tense. There was that nickname again. Fenris would sometimes hear the name while he was...

dreaming. Fenris’s eyes widened. Some nights when the group were camping outside of Kirkwall, Fenris would have terrible nightmares about his past with Danarius. The beating, the pain throughout his body, the feeling of not knowing his childhood. But there was also a voice that would appear and would say words in a comforting voice that made Fenris calm again. His nightmares would slowly fade away and he would no longer dream. Full blackness would appear, and then he would wake up to the sunrise.

“Anders…” Hawke mumbled again. Fenris felt himself flare with anger, his blue aura glowing brighter and brighter.

Suddenly he heard a high pitch scream in his ears. Fenris kneeled and set Hawke down. She was awake and staring up at him.

“Damn it Fenris.” She said.

“I-I did not know, I am sorry.” Fenris stuttered. He should have known his lyrium would somehow hurt Hawke. He could thrust his hand into chests, so who knows what his entire body could do.

Hawke shushed him with a wave of her hand.

“Can you just help me home? I don’t know where the hell we are.”

Fenris looked at his surroundings. They were almost to the estate. He lifted Hawke onto his back again and began walking. She was asleep by the time Fenris was in front of the Hawke estate. He knocked on the door and waited for Bodhan to answer it. Before Bodahn opened his mouth Fenris shushed him and motioned behind him where the rogue was snoring quietly. Bodhan moved out of the way and Fenris walked up the stairs to Hawke’s bedroom.

Fenris slowly circled Hawke around into his arms again, holding her gently. He walked to the left side of her bed where she was closer to the fire and laid her down on her back. He lifted the blankets and covered her.

Fenris took a step back and analyzed Hawke. She tossed and turned until she was flat on her stomach with her arms under the pillow and her head turned to side, facing Fenris.

Fenris hesitated, but he took the risk. He took a step forward and brought his head down to kiss Hawke’s temple. Then he turned, and started the lonely trek back to Danarius’s mansion.

 

* * *

 

Hawke woke up with a killer headache and an aching body. She knew it must had to be morning, for she could hear her mother humming downstairs.

When Hawke rose, the nauseating feeling hit her. She ran to her bathroom and emptied her stomach in the toilet. She wiped her mouth afterwards with a towel and stood up to face her mirror. Her face was pale and she noticed she had a burn mark across her cheek. A white burn that looked like a vein.

 _What is this?_ she thought, touching the design lightly. She shrugged and decided she would head to Anders’s clinic later in the afternoon.

She took a long bath and brushed her teeth at the same time. She knew she must smell terrible. She walked down in her finery to the kitchen to make herself some elfroot tea. Leandra appeared beside Hawke.

“Darling where were you I was worr-- _what happened to your face?!_ ”

“I was in Lowtown Mother,” Hawke said, “You don’t have to baby me anymore. And I’ll have Anders take a look at it.”

Bodhan entered the kitchen, “Perhaps it had to do something with the elf, miss?”

Hawke leaned on the wall, “Elf, Bodhan?”

“Yes miss, an elf carried you here. I presume it is Fenris?”

“Fenris?”

“Certainly messere, you were very tired, perhaps you do not remember. Yet you did not have a mark on your cheek then.”

Hawke touched her cheek with her free hand. It was warm, as if the wound was recent.

She heard the mansion door open.

“Hello?” Aveline called, “I need to see you Hawke. In private.”

Hawke walked with her cup of tea to meet Aveline in the middle of the main hall.

“What is it, Aveline?” Hawke said, “Please let it be quick.”

“It’s about _you_ ,” Aveline said, “You are making a worse reputation of yourself than before.”

“Well thanks a lot.”

“It’s true! I do not like to hear from fellow guardsmen that they have seen you more drunk than Varric...wait a minute...what in the Maker happened to your face?!”

“That’s what I asked!” Leandra called from afar.

“It’s _nothing_.” Hawke replied, “Anders will tend to it. Just let me fully wake up first.”

“Maker no,” Aveline said, grabbing Hawke’s bicep, “We are going right now.”

“Let me put on my armor!”

“ _NOPE!_ ”

 

* * *

 

Hawke was embarrassed by all the looks she was taking in. Hawke never left her home in her finery. Never.

It wasn’t helping that she was in Darktown as well. While her robes were clean and embroidered with gold twine, the people she saw wore rags for their attire. Also, Hawke was barefoot, which was not a problem. Hawke just did not like to step into what she thought was either dog feces...or human feces.

Aveline pushed open the clinic door and waved to Anders, who was just done healing a patient.

“We have a problem,” Aveline said.

“I was going to come later!” Hawke yelled, “But apparently if the one and only Hawke has one _fucking_ scratch on her face, _IT’S A BIG DEAL_.”

Anders looked Hawke up and down. He also had never seen Hawke in her casual clothes.

“Um,” Anders said nervously, “What happens to be the problem?”

Aveline pointed to Hawke’s cheek, “This.”

Anders walked slowly to Hawke and held her face with his fingers. He turned her head in different directions and traced the design.

“I’ve never seen a scar so vibrant before,” Anders said, “Do you remember your evening?”

“Well,” Hawke started, “I was drunk, and from what Bodhan told me is that Fenris carried me back to the estate. I didn’t have this marking when I arrived though. It just arrived this morning.”

Anders sighed, “He burned you.”

“What?” Hawke asked.

Anders face became red, “Fenris burned you. He must have became angry at one point and the lyrium in his veins must have reacted with your skin.”

Hawke touched her face again. The burn was still so warm, as if the temperature never faded from when she left the mansion.

“So is there a way of healing it?” Hawke asked.

Anders nodded, “Of course there is, but I want Fenris to see what he did to you.”

Hawke raised one eyebrow, “That’s not necessary Anders.”

“No!” Anders said, his eyes becoming white, “I want him to know that his power can hurt not only enemies, but his so-called _friends_ as well.”

“Anders, calm down.” Hawke said, grabbing Anders hand that was resting on her cheek. “You will be the one ending up hurting your allies.”

Anders’s eyes returned to their natural state, “I still want him to see what he did to you.”

“Okay,” Hawke said, letting go of Anders’s tight grip on her hand. She looked at Aveline, “Could you bring Fenris here?”

“I’ll try,” Aveline said, “It will be a miracle if he takes one step in here. Well, if I tell him _you_ needed him...alright, I’ll be back.”

 

* * *

 

Fenris’s arm felt like it was an undying fire. He could not touch it without a shooting pain up and down his entire body. He heard a knocking at the mansion door. He tried to ignore the excruciating pain as he opened the door with his opposite hand.

“Hello Fenris,” Aveline said, “You need to come to Anders’s clinic.”

“No,” Fenris replied, until Aveline’s hand dashed out to stop the closing door.

“It’s about Hawke,” Aveline said, pulling the door open again, “It’s important.”

Fenris did ask anymore questions. He ran past Aveline, not stopping his sprint until he reached the front door of the abomination’s clinic. He slammed it open to reveal a perfectly healthy Hawke, staring outside one of the clinic’s windows.

“What is going on,” Fenris said, trying not to breathe heavily. The pain in his arm grew even more.

“I said it was nothing” Hawke said, her gaze glancing towards his elf eyes.

Anders walked towards Fenris, “You _hurt_ her.”

“Oh shut up Anders, I get hurt plenty of times,” Hawk said, rolling her eyes.

Anders’s ignored the side comment, “Your anger ended up taking a toll on her flesh.”

Fenris felt the familiar pain of guilt in his stomach. Did Hawke have the same markings he had. Was she cursed with the anger that will never disappear? But then why wasn’t Hawke’s hair white?

Hawke turned her body fully to Fenris, and he saw it. A white line that ran across her cheek. It began at the top of her cheekbone, and ended just before touching her bottom lip.

“It’s pretty small,” Hawke said, “It doesn’t even hurt! It just feels warm. Like a nice hot bath type of warm.”

Which reminded Fenris of his burning right arm. He growled as he held it close to his body.

“Fenris!” Hawke’s face turned pale, “What’s wrong?”

Fenris tried to make out words, “My arm…it burns.”

Hawke walked towards the frustrated Anders, “Can’t you help him in some sort of way?”

“ _I DON’T WANT HELP FROM A MAGE!_ ” Fenris snarled, but the pain was almost unbearable. He ripped off the armor covering his arm and revealed an infected wound that had grown from his shoulder to his elbow.

He heard Hawke gasp and run over to him. She helped him sit down to one of Anders’s medical beds. Fenris felt sweat running down his face and onto the dirty floor.

Fenris liked the presence of Hawke sitting next to him, staring at him with worried eyes. He looked at the white line settled on her cheek. Hawke noticed.

“It doesn’t hurt Fenris, honestly, I’m more concerned about you. Here.” Hawke picked up Fenris’s good hand and rested it upon her face.

“Aveline and Anders couldn’t feel the heat.”

“I can.”

And Fenris could. It was like Hawke said, a warmth that wasn’t too hot nor too cold. It was how Fenris’s arm started off.

 _Oh no_ , Fenris thought.

“Hawke,” he said, “the pain is just going to get worse.”

On cue the burning on his arm let out a wave of pain.

“My arm started off as yours, it was tolerable, but Anders needs to heal it now before it gets worse.”

Hawke nodded, but what she responded to Fenris shocked him.

“I’m not going to let Anders heal my cheek until you agree to let him heal your arm.”

Anders grabbed Hawke off of the bed and pulled her towards him, “I will not allo--”

Hawke pushed herself from Anders’s grasp, “No Anders. I’m not going to let Fenris force himself to suffer nor am I going to cut his arm off.”

Fenris stood himself up as well, “Hawke do not do this. The pain is horrific and it will spread. It could even spread to other people. Obviously it is contagious.”

“Fenris, how did you carry me?” Hawke asked.

Anders glared at the elf. He looked at the ground, “Um, on my back. Your cheek was on my shoulder. You said something in your sleep that made me angry and I…”

He couldn’t finish. The regret he felt consumed him entirely. He had no words to speak to redeem himself.

“Fenris, what did I say?” Hawke asked, but Anders did not wait for the answer.

“It does not matter! Hawke, please, let me heal you.”

Hawke turned away from Anders. Fenris finally noticed that Hawke was wearing her finery. He probably did not notice before because he had already seen her in the same clothing.

“Where is your armor?” Fenris managed to speak.

Aveline walked through the clinic door, “Because I wanted to take her here immediately.”

Hawke rolled her eyes, “It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing! I’m not doing anything about my face until Fenris does something about his arm.”

“And I will not do anything about my arm until your cheek is healed,” Fenris said.

They stared at each other in silence. Aveline cleared her throat.

“Alright, since we are getting no where with this, we should move on to more important things such as finding tracking down Javaris”

Hawke broke the eye contact with Fenris, “You are right, mid afternoon let’s meet with the Coterie Barker to find Javaris’s wearabouts.

Fenris nodded and began to walk out of the clinic.

“Wait!” he heard Hawke’s voice, “let me bandage your arm. Please.”

Fenris nodded and waited for Hawke to grab some spider silk Anders kept. She made a wrap around Fenris’s arm gently enough that it did not cause too much pain. Hawke’s hand jerked away when she came in contact with Fenris’s skin.

“Maker, that is hot!” She yelped, waving her hand to the side. But there was no sign of a burn on her hand. It was perfectly normal.

Hawke finished the rest of Fenris’s arm and backed away. Fenris clenched his fist to see if he could move something in his right arm. There was a slight itch, but nothing more.

“Thank you.” he said. Then he watched Hawke turn away to walk back to her estate.

Fenris was worried. Hawke was about to experience the worst suffering in her entire life.

 


	9. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke is getting surprise after surprise. Meanwhile, Fenris looks for a birthday present for Hawke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! I finally got this finished. It's a little bit forced but an exciting read.  
> I'm also on a cliffhanger spree. I'll try to keep it down a tad :P  
> Also: READ THIS NOTE  
> At one point there is writing that is in bold and italics. This is just a flashback. The reason why it is bold and italicized is because it is a loooooong flashback.

Hawke, Fenris, Varric, and Anders were exiting Smuggler’s Cut when they were ambushed by a handful of mercenaries. They had just fought six Carta thugs, and it was beginning to annoy Hawke how much defense Javaris had put up to not be found. The companions killed the mercenaries quickly and there was the dwarf, looking absolutely pathetic as he covered up his face with his hands. He explained the situation to Hawke about how an elf had framed him for stealing the “gaatlok”, which caused him to flee. Hawke let the coward leave, but in her mind she did really want to kill him.

“So we are suppose to go into some random side alley to find who knows what?” Varric asked.

“I guess, but let’s not do it so soon, we need to rest,” Hawke said.

Fenris was right before, Hawke noticed her cheek starting to heat up a bit more. It did not necessarily burn, but it was annoying enough for her to reluctantly ask Anders for ice. He would glare at her, but open his hand and present an ice chip. She rubbed it on her scar and the heat was soon not as painful. Of course Fenris did not want anything to help his arm besides new wrappings of spider silk and elfroot leaves.

The companions all resigned in their homes, they would address the side alley in two days.

The next morning, Hawke walked around the Hightown market looking at merchant’s weapons and armor, seeing if she could upgrade on anything. She found many sturdy bows, but when she held them, the shape felt awkward in her hands. She missed _Cousland_ , but it’s not like she can suddenly find a high dragon and carve herself a new bow easily. The bone had been given to her when she was a child. Her father had found it underneath ruins in Orzammar when he had volunteered to help clear up some wreckage rebels had created. Hawke and her father carved the bow together. She remember how it was too big for her at first.

_**“Father, this bow is bigger than both of my arms,” Hawke whined.** _

_**Malcolm Hawke smiled at his daughter, “When you are older Marian, the bow will fit perfectly. Now what do you want to name it?”** _

_**The young child looked at her new bow she held in her hands, “I don’t know yet. Can I name it after you?”** _

Malcolm laughed. Hawke missed her father’s laughter. It was never just a chuckle, it was a full blown howl that escaped his mouth.

_**“Malcolm is not as epic. The right name will come one day.”** _

_**Hawke held her bow in her left hand and clasped her father’s hand with her right.** _

_**“Can I name it Dragon until the right name fits it?” she asked.** _

_**“As long as it makes you happy,” her father answered.** _

Hawke snapped back to the present. Right after the Deep Roads Expedition three years ago, Hawke found out about the Hero of Ferelden who defeated the blight. The brave woman happened to also be an archer, and though her first name was never spoken of, she came from a noble family, the Couslands. So finally Hawke had found the perfect name. It had taken her years, but it seemed to click. Who would know three years later it would be in her chest with all the other belongings that were salvaged from Lothering. Looking at the broken pieces brought sadness into her heart, but she couldn’t blame Fenris for we he done. If he hadn’t saved her….

Fenris. Hawke liked him at her side now. Whenever they were close, though they did not acknowledge it, they could feel a deeper connection to one another. Perhaps it was their peculiar wounds. Perhaps.

Coinsidently, Hawke noticed Fenris was also looking at the armor stand across from her.

“Fenris!” she called. He turned around and smiled. She walked to where he was standing.

“Watcha lookin at?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said, “I had nothing else to do.”

“I can’t believe you actually left that place!”

“I am out when I am with you Hawke.”

“That doesn’t count.”

Hawke picked up a head piece made for a warrior, “I think I should wear this wherever I go. Lots of people have been staring at me lately. I wonder why?”

Hawke grinned at her own joke. Fenris gave a hard cold glare.

“Oh come on Fen,” Hawke continued, “I only tell the people it’s a temporary tattoo. I actually get great compliments for it!”

“You refuse to treat it though,” Fenris said.

“Only because you refuse to treat your own.”

Hawke watched Fenris sigh. He knew she was right.

Suddenly, Hawke felt a burst of pain on her cheek. She dropped the headpiece and brought her hands up to heating wound.

“Hawke!” Fenris shouted, “Are you alright?”

“Dandy,” Hawke replied sarcastically. Fenris moved Hawke’s hands and placed his own on her cheek. It was heating up.

“It was only for a second Fenris. It’s gone now,” Hawke said.

Hawke wanted Fenris to stop worrying. She was a lot tougher than he thought. Though for that second, her cheek felt like it was on fire.

Fenris’s thumb slowly stroked the scar. Hawke connected eyes with Fenris and for a brief moment, it seemed they were the only two people in the marketplace.

“Could you _move_?” the snarky merchant asked, “You dropped one of my finest pieces and if I find one scratch, you are paying for it, Hawke.”

“Oh it will be fine Olaf,” Hawke said, backing away from Fenris’s touch.

“Well, I think I am going to get some more rest,” Hawke said, “My bed sounds pretty welcoming right now.”

As Hawke was about to walk away, she became face to face with Isabela’s lovely bosoms.

“Hello pumpkin!” Isabela said, “You know I think today we should have some quality time together!”

“I hope you are joking Isabela,” Hawke replied.

“Of course not! Now let me take you the Blooming Rose and we could spend a few sovereigns on--”

“Please no,” Hawke interrupted, “It seems I can't even walk back to my own house. I’m going for a walk outside of Kirkwall.”

Hawke left her companions behind and traveled to the Wounded Coast. She fought off some corpses by herself on the way and kept walking. She looked up at the clear blue sky, something Kirkwall didn’t have. The skies were covered with a thick layer of smoke and in Darktown, it was hard to see when it was day, and when it was night.

Suddenly, a battle cry rang out in the air. Hawke looked ahead to see four Tal-Vashoth running towards her. She reached back for her daggers and brought them to her sides. As the first Qunari came close, Hawke disappeared into a cloud of smoke and brought her daggers down on the creature’s back. She turned around and stuck both daggers into him, pulling out a deadly amount of blood.

She threw a Mark of Death at the next Tal-Vashoth. Though Hawke’s better specialization was being a Shadow Rogue, she had begun to study more of being an Assassin Rogue as well, seeming that she would be using daggers for a while.

Hawke hit the Qunari’s weak points, blood splattering all over her body.

She felt herself being picked up from behind. She was being slowly suffocated by the tight grip. Another Tal-Vashoth became face to face with her.

“You and your allies need to stay away from these areas,” he growled. The Qunari brought his fingers up to grab both sides of Hawke’s cheeks so he could crush her jaw, but right as the rough tips brushed Hawke’s scar, the marking inflamed with heat.

As Hawke cried out, so did the Qunari. His entire hand was burned that crusts of skin were falling off, as if it was close to being ashes.

“ _Ashkost kata!_ ” the Qunari barked, “My hand has almost turned to _Issala_!”

“I can’t control it!” Hawke yelled through limited breath, and it was true. Then why did the scar just defend her? Hawke thought, _Why did it fight back? How come I was not burned when I touched Fenris? Or when Anders touched my cheek?_

“Let her go!” The Tal Vashoth said to his fellow kind. Hawke gulped for air as she landed on the ground, her ribs aching.

“You have been cursed,” the Qunari said as he studied his blackened hand.

“It’s just lyrium,” Hawke replied, looking up at the massive grey being.

“Why do you not seek healing?”

“It’s a very long story.”

The Qunari shook his head in disappointed.

“You live now,” he said, “but if I see you in these parts with that malediction, I will cut off your head slowly that the last thing you see is the rest of your body, falling slowly to the dirt where it belongs.”

“Got it,” Hawke nodded, and with that, she began to run back to Kirkwall. The pain in her cheek slowly faded to a slight itch. It was dark by the time she reached her home, exhausted and still shaken by the Qunari’s words. She opened the door quietly so she wouldn’t wake her mother, but as soon she opened the door to the main foyer, she saw her fellow companions and housemates, her mother, Uncle Gamlen, and even the Knight Captain Cullen, all standing in front of her with smiling faces.

“ _Happy Birthday!_ ” They cheered, but that was before they saw Hawke’s appearance.

* * *

 

Fenris did not know it was Hawke’s birthday until she left to the Wounded Coast.

“I was just trying to keep her busy till tonight,” Isabela whined.

“What?” Fenris asked.

“Oh no,” Isabela said surprised, “You didn’t know today was Hawke’s birthday?”

Fenris felt the pang in his stomach and his face became pale.

“Don’t worry!” Isabela said encouragingly, “She doesn’t know either. Leandra told me she always seems to forget her birthday.”

Fenris sighed in relief. He had an entire afternoon to buy a gift for Hawke.

_That’s what humans do right? Buy gifts for one another on special occasions?_

“Meet in Hawke’s mansion at sunset,” Isabela ordered, “The ladies and I will be setting up till then. I’m sure she will be back just in time for the surprise!”

“A surprise party?” Fenris asked, lifting one eyebrow.

“I know, I know, she doesn’t like surprises, besides the ones on the battlefield, but Leandra insisted we do it. It’s a perfect moment too! Hawke is going to come back, all huffy puffy, and next thing you know, BOOM! Party time!”

Fenris shrugged his shoulders.

“Fine,” Isabela said, “but you better come, otherwise Hawke will just be all depressive.”

Isabela trotted away, which left Fenris in a confused state. Of course he would go to the “party”, but what would that have to do anything with Hawke being upset if he did not come?

Fenris realized he was brooding in one of the main areas of Hightown.

 _I really live up to my reputation_ , he thought.

So he had to find some type of gift for Hawke.

_Perhaps something from Ferelden?_

He took a trip to the Gallows. He looked at the weapons and armor stands, but he knew if he wanted to find something more valuable, he would have to go to Solivictus’s store. He walked over, the store owner backing away.

“What do you want from me,” he said, grabbing his coin bag and holding it close to his chest.

“Relax,” Fenris said, “I am here to buy something.”

Solivictus smiled instantly, “Why didn’t you say something! Choose whatever you like!”

Fenris rolled his eyes and looked at the wares. He saw a nice ring and picked it up.

“That is the Ring of the Faithful!” Solivictus said, “It adds eleven defense, seven percent healing to the character, and one-hundred seventy-nine spirit resistance. It is five sovereigns and four silvers!”

“I will buy it,” Fenris said, taking out his own pouch filled with coin. He paid for the ring and looked at it carefully.

 _Hawke will like this, correct?_  he thought to himself.

Fenris slipped the ring into his own hand and felt the power surge throughout his body. He would keep it on his hand for now, so he did not lose it.

At sunset Fenris entered the Mansion estate and looked at the others. Everyone was dressed up in different attire. Isabela was wearing a golden long low cut dress with a long slit to her upper thigh that you could almost see some...inappropriate parts. Merrill wore a green short dress that covered every woman part on her body. Aveline wore black pants and a white blouse. Leandra wore a pink long glittery dress. Gamlen, Varric, and Anders wore nice suits.

“I did not know this was suppose to be a fancy occasion,” Fenris mumbled.

“We also invited others,” Leandra said, “There will be a ball tonight, just a few hours after Hawke arrives so we have enough time to dress her up. You could also run home and change into some nicer attire.”

So they all waited for Hawke to arrive. They heard the first door open.

As soon as Hawke opened the next door, everyone but Fenris cheered the “ _Happy Birthday!_ ”

But it faded as they saw Hawke’s appearance.

She was covered in blood. Her scar lit the tiniest bit of blue light and she looked ghostly pale.

“I really am sick of surprises,” she said.

Fenris had never been so surprised and worried in his life.

* * *

 

Hawke was furious with her mother. She rushed past everyone and slammed the door closed to her room.

_I can’t believe I forgot today was my birthday. Again._

She walked into her bathroom and looked in the mirror. The scar was glowing a slight blue, and blood ran across her nose, as well as the rest of her armor. She washed her face and walked back into her bedroom. She looked at her bed to find a long dress. Her mother had actually listened to her.

The dress was Hawke’s favorite color. Indigo, slightly more on the purple side. Hawke lifted the dress and looked at it carefully. It was one shouldered, ball gown-like, the bottom half flowing outwards. She liked it. A lot.

Hawke heard a knocking at the door.

“Hawke?” Fenris asked, his voice muffled.

“Tell mother I’m getting ready,” Hawke said, “And if you’re wondering, I’m fine. I’ll be down soon.”

There was a pause.

“Are you sure?” Fenris said.

“Yes, Fen. I’ll be taking a bath now.”

There was a clearing of throat, and footsteps faded.

The blood was not Hawke’s. Hawke had to refill the bath many times, for each time she stepped in, the water would be dyed red in less than a minute. Finally after Hawke no longer had a trace of dirt on her she stuck her head outside her bedroom door.

“Mother, can you help me with this dress?” she called out. Hawke heard her mother’s soft footsteps traveling up the stairs.

“Of course Marian! Oh this is so exciting!”

Hawke rolled her eyes. It was going to be a challenge fitting her muscular body into such a tight fit dress. Leandra tightened the ribbons of the corset that wrapped around Hawke’s torso.

“I can hardly breathe!” Hawke said.

“Oh shush,” her mother chided, “this is nothing compared to princess corsets.”

“Corsets are only to make women look thinner.”

“No they are not!”

“Mother I already have a hourglass figure.”

“It’s not just that, Marian. You do not have, um, big bosoms.”

“ _What?!_ ”

Hawke turned around to face her mother, “Are you saying I don’t have breasts?!”

“Your mother is right,” Isabela said as she walked into the bedroom.

“Nobody asked you!” Hawke yelled at the pirate.

“The corset is only for extra padding pumpkin,” Isabela purred,  “The dress will just slip right down if there is nothing to hold it...up.”

“I’m not completely flat-chested!”

“Well that is what the corset is for,” Leandra said gently, “to make certain things look bigger than what they actually seem to be.”

Hawke turned back around for her mother to tie the rest of the corset.

“There there,” Isabela said, sitting down on Hawke’s bed, “Once everyone sees you, it will be hard for them _not_   to look at your lovely bust.”

“Done,” Leandra said, “Now let’s put you in this dress.”

“Isabela and Leandra lifted up the dress for Hawke to duck under. They brought the dress down over her head and smoothed it out.

Leandra quickly wiped away a tear.

“You look beautiful,” she said. Hawke turned towards the full length mirror and was almost shocked at her new appearance. The dress flowed perfectly around her. Though Hawke’s icy blue eyes looked dimmer, her jet black hair looking...blacker.

Isabela spoke after she wolf whistled, “Let me help you do your makeup. I want to try this smoky eye look. No lipstick, otherwise you will just have a cake face.”

Hawke rolled her eyes and followed Isabela into the washroom where she had set up a chair. Hawke sat down and let Isabela work her magic. Not literally, of course.

After a while, Isabela finally backed away from her artwork.

“Perfect,” she whispered. Hawke looked at her bathroom mirror. The eye shadow around her eyes brought out the iciness, rather than how they were dim before.

“I think you are ready to reveal a Hawke that is not covered in blood and guts,” Isabela said sarcastically. Leandra helped Hawke slip on silver pumps. Hawke towered over her mother.

 _Thank the Maker mother taught me to walk in these when I was a teenager_ , she thought.

Hawke walked to the door that led to the balcony that overlooked the foyer. She felt her hand shake as she reached for the knob.

“Oh no darling,” Isabela said, pulling Hawke away, “You need a better entrance than that.”

Isabela opened the door and walked to the edge of the balcony. Hawke could hear a lot more voices than just the people she knew best.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Hawke heard Isabela call out, “I present to you now our lovely birthday girl, Marian Hawke!”

And with that, Hawke slowly walked through the door and overlooked the townspeople of Kirkwall. She tried to find a familiar face, and there he was.

Fenris, in a...suit.


	10. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke enjoys her birthday party. Well, that is before an interesting guest arrives with a mysterious request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So since my dad hates when I'm on my computer, I won't be able to post a chapter until a little bit over a month.  
> But yayyy no cliffhangers!

Fenris rushed to his mansion right after he checked if Hawke was alright. He did not have much time. Fenris opened his wardrobe door and found nothing proper to wear.

 _Do I even have a suit?_ he thought. Fenris began to explore the rest of the mansion, opening chests and more closet doors. He bursted open the door that was right of his room and became still.

Neatly folded in the corner of the room, with a thin layer of dust lying upon it, was the only suit Fenris had.

But the suit had many bad memories. Fenris remembered Danarius throwing the suit at him when he first became the magister’s slave.

“You will wear this to serve guests at important occasions, understood?” Danarius snarled. Fenris only nodded in reply.

Fenris picked up the attire and studied it.

_Is it worth it?_

Fenris shook off the dust and applied an elfroot detergent that made the suit look clean and remove the musty smell.

_Hawke would like it._

The suit fitted him perfectly, even after all the years Fenris had broken free from Danarius’s grasp. Fenris remembered clearly on how to tie the black cloth in front of his chest. He did not have any nice formal shoes, but the boots he wore in battle would have to do. He studied himself in the mirror.

_Good enough._

Fenris took a back route to Hawke’s mansion, going behind the estates so no one would see him. It would be an embarrassment to see an elf walking around in a suit, specifically a well-known elf in Kirkwall.

Fenris managed to sneak in the back door and arrive just as everyone was in the mansion. He saw people that he did not recognize. Hawke probably did not know any of the guests either. They were holding glasses of wine and talking about their new bought estate.

“ _Ladies and gentlemen!_ ” Fenris heard Isabela call out, “I present to you now our lovely birthday girl, Marian Hawke!”

There was absolute silence, Fenris was squished next to one of the staircases, but he could still see Hawke walk out of her room and look over everyone on the balcony. She moved her head as if looking for someone, and finally, she connected eyes with Fenris. He felt his face become red and he felt himself smile, and Hawke smiled back.

The crowd began to clap as they all saw Marian Hawke on her birthday, looking absolutely beautiful.

* * *

 

Hawke began to descend down the staircase, holding the railing tightly. Isabela and Leandra walked behind her, ready to catch her if she fell backwards.

Hawke just focused on one step at a time. Finally, when she reached the floor, Fenris held out his hand for hers to hold on to. Hawke used his arm to steady herself.

“Thank you,” she whispered in his ear. She noticed that Fenris smelled like some of plant, which wasn’t a bad thing.

_Is that...elfroot?_

Hawke had never seen Fenris in anything so formal, and she noticed that his necktie was tied perfectly and how much the suit fit him.

She couldn’t help but admire how handsome Fenris was.

Hawke separated from the elf and received the praise from people she had never seen before. She felt better once Varric appeared, gently grabbed her hand, and kissed the top.

“You look beautiful sweetheart,” he said. He motioned Hawke to lean closer to him so he could whisper something in her ear.

“I was right,” he said. Hawke glared at the chuckling dwarf.

Twenty-four. Hawke arrived in Kirkwall only a few weeks after her twentieth birthday. After Meeran and the end of the long three years, Leandra could no longer hide Hawke’s date of birth. Varric did the math right.

“ _You better not tell anyone_ ,” Hawke threatened.

“Shh, Hawke, it’s just between you and me.”

Gifts were stacked in front of the balcony. Most of the items would be silk dresses or perfumes from all around the Free Marches. The mansion was designed to look like a ballroom. A small orchestra set up on the other staircase began to play classical music. People began to dance with one another, couples stepping in circles with polite posture.

Isabela approached Hawke and bowed.

“My, lady,” she said in a Starkhaven accent, “Care to join me in a dance?”

“Of course _dahling_ ,” Hawke replied. The two women made exaggerated movements and sent out loud laughs into the air.

The two were catching their breath when Anders stepped between them.

“May I dance with the birthday girl?” he asked.

“Fine, steal her away from me,” Isabela pouted.

Anders wrapped one of his hands around Hawke’s waist and the other clasped around her hand. Hawke remembered the dance movements; her father taught to dance when she was younger. They would practice for maybe five minutes, and then Malcolm Hawke would raise his daughter in the air, flying her around as if she was a dragon.

“Do you know how stunning you look right now?” Anders asked.

“Well, I am wearing the biggest dress here,” Hawke replied, “but thank you.”

The two danced in silence until the song ended. Hawke looked for the white haired elf.

There he was, brooding in the corner. Hawke walked up to him and lifted an eyebrow.

“I thought I would never see you in a suit, Fenris,” Hawke joked.

“Never thought I would see you in a dress,” Fenris replied, grinning.

“Well if I do say so myself you look quite dashing.”

Hawke noticed the redness forming on Fenris’s cheeks.

“Fenris! You’re blushing!” Hawke exclaimed. The elf’s smile turned into a frown. Hawke grabbed his arm and pulled him to the middle of the ballroom, “Dance with me Broody!”

Unlike Anders’s confident grip, Fenris’s touch was much more light and hesitant. Hawke smiled anytime Fenris lost his footing.

“It’s alright, Fen,” Hawke said softly, “Anders kept stepping on my feet.”

She thought she heard the elf chuckle, but it was only for an instant.

A sharp excruciating pain surfaced on Hawke’s cheek again, and she flinched slightly. At the same time, Fenris’s arm jerked, and the expression on his face spoke agony. For a second, Hawke almost thought the elf’s eyes flashed red.

“I’m sorry,” Fenris whispered.

“Fenris, your arm and my face is just the Revenant’s fault,” Hawke said earnestly.

“I spread it onto you though. This thing is like some sort of curse mixed with disease.”

“But I don’t care about my wound anymore, Fenris. I care about _you_.”

 _Well that came out weird_ , Hawke thought.

Fenris’s eyes widened.

“I, um,” he hesitated, “I care about you too.”

The two held their eye contact with one another, tuning everything out once more.

The familiar “Happy Birthday” song rang out in the air. Hawke looked up to the balcony to see a massive cake. Though her dress was indigo, Hawke’s mother made sure at least something was red. A red velvet cake with white icing trimmed on five layers of pastry. A black candle stood straight on top of it all.

Isabela and Leandra once again stood behind Hawke as she walked up the stairs to the cake. The black candle looked so miniscule, the red flame even tinier.

Isabela seemed the most excited out of everyone, “Make a wish!”

Hawke thought. She didn’t necessarily believe that wishes came true, but it was worth a shot. Perhaps she could cure what Fenris had called a curse for both of them.

“Remember,” Leandra’s voice whispered in her daughter’s ear, “This is _your_ wish.”

Hawke knew she did not have enough time before the silence became awkward. Hawke closed her eyes.

_I wish for a cure._

She blew out the candle.

Once again, applause filled the air and Hawke forced a smile and a curtsy.

Cake was served, and slowly, each prestigious family exited the Hawke estate. After an hour, everyone had left except for her companions and housemates.

“I thought your friends would want to stay so you could open their gifts in front of them,” Leandra said.

Leandra first handed her boxed gift to Hawke . Hawke swung her desk chair around, sat down, and lifted the lid to reveal a sewn nightdress.

“You wear armor half the day, so I decided to make the other half.”

Hawke looked up at her mother, “Thank you.”

Leandra brushed away a single tear.

Bodahn gave Hawke a leather cloth, and Sandal gave her a rock.

“Lucky rock!” Sandal exclaimed.

“Wrap the rock in the leather cloth,” Bodahn said, “Sandal means the rock brings good luck. Apparently it’s not just another one of his ruins.”

Merrill’s gift was a hairbrush (obviously hinting Hawke really needs to work on her hygiene), Isabela gave a ship in a bottle she made herself, Gamlen a coupon for a free drink at the Hanged Man, Aveline gave a water pouch with the Hawke insignia on it, and Varric gave Hawke a journal.

“To write your stories in,” he said.

Anders gave Hawke a weapon polishing kit.

“You rogues need it a lot more than anyone else,” he said.

I laughed, “Thanks, Anders.”

The mage smiled and then turned himself to Fenris.

“Now what do _you_ have for Hawke?” Anders said bitterly.

Hawke saw Fenris pull something off his own hand. He took Hawke’s hand and placed a small silver ring in her palm.

“It’s called the Ring of the Faithful,” Fenris said, “It has eleven defense, seven percent healing to the character, and one-hundred seventy-nine spirit resistance. That’s what Solivitus told me at least.”

 _What_ , Hawke thought.

“You went to Sol’s?” Hawke asked, “I can’t believe you approached a Formari who happens to have a stand next to the Mage’s Goods just to get me a birthday present! Thank you, Fen!”

Hawke slipped on the ring and felt the added energy in her body. She stood up and smiled at everyone.

“I must say this afternoon was pretty rough, but tonight was so much better. This has been one of the best bir--”

A loud shriek filled the air, enough to shake the mansion and for Hawke to cover her ears. Smoke began to fill the room.

Finally, everything settled, as the smoke began to clear away, a familiar figure began to take its place.

There she was. the Witch of the Wilds, Asha’bellanar, an old hag who talks too much.

Flemeth.

“If you told me it was your birthday sooner, I would of arrived earlier,” she cooed. Her voice sounded kind, yet everyone knew the great power she held and how it she must not be tampered with.

“How did you know it was my birthday?” Hawke asked, keeping her distance from the mysterious woman.

“Oh I have ways of knowing,” she said, “Just like I know the wish you made.”

Hawke couldn’t speak.

“And may I say you look quite lovely, dear,” Flemeth continued, “It’s a pity the scar on your face had to ruin it all.”

Hawke looked around to see no one. She was only alone with the shapeshifter.

“Do not worry about the others,” Flemeth said, noticing Hawke’s worried expression, “They are safe and sound.”

Flemeth walked closer to Hawke, “A wish for a cure, very interesting. Simple, yet not specific. Well, I have two gifts for you, Marian.”

Hawke wondered why there was no noise outside. Surely the shriek had to be loud enough to wake other people, right?

Flemeth was now in arm’s reach.

“The first gift, is your wish.”

Flemeth’s hands lifted to the back of her neck. She unclasped and pulled off a necklace. The string seemed to look like a type of skin.

Dragon skin.

 _What the fuck_ , Hawke thought.

The pendant that hung from the “string” was a glass diamond filled with a black liquid.

“This is your cure,” Flemeth said, now walking behind Hawke, “Use it at the right moment.”

_Well what does it even do?_

“You will find out its purpose when the time comes, but remember this...it can only be used once.”

Flemeth once again somehow knew what Hawke was to say. It seemed as if the witch could almost read her mind.

Flemeth’s hands brushed Hawke’s neck lightly as she wrapped the necklace to clasp it, “I assure you this will not be destroyed. Not even the tooth of a High Dragon could cut through such a material.”

Hawke could feel the breath of the witch next to her ear.

“Your second gift will be on the precipice. Go alone tonight once everyone has either left or are sleeping peacefully.”

Then the “old hag who talks too much” faced Hawke once again and begin to walk backwards slowly.

“You will appear in my the back of my mind from time to time, not literally of course. For we shall never meet again. Be wise.”

“How am I suppose to believe you about these...gifts?” Hawke finally spoke.

“You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut one’s eyes tight or open one’s arms wide, either way, one’s a fool,” Flemeth replied, and with that, smoke once again entered the room.

The Witch of the Wilds disappeared, and was replaced by everyone else.

 _I don’t understand half the stuff she tells me_ , Hawke thought.

“Are you alright, Hawke?” Fenris asked, looking worried, “You just stopped talking in the middle of your sentence.”

Hawke almost wanted to tell everyone what just happened. At the same time, it all seemed like a dream, but as Hawke looked down, the pendent rested on her chest.

“Yeah,” Hawke said, “I just didn’t want to say it cheesy, but this has been one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.”

_If only dad was here. And if Flemeth did not scare the shit out of me._

“Thank you. All of you, though after today I honestly can say I’m exhausted.”

“Fine, fine,” Isabela complained, “I guess we’ll all leave.”

So the companions began to leave, except Fenris.

“Hawke, have you been wearing that necklace all night?” he asked. Hawke froze.

“It was under some books on my desk. I just put it on,” Hawke lied, and it hurt her so much to do so. Hawke would some day tell him, but not any time soon. She wanted to tell him how it could save him, but he probably would not accept the potion. He would tell her to use it on herself, but she would not do so either.

“Alright, goodbye then Hawke,” Fenris said, and then he left.

After Leandra helped Hawke untie her corset, she kissed her daughter on the uninjured cheek.

“Goodnight, love,” Leandra said.

When her mother left the room, Hawke began to change into her armor. She inserted her daggers in the sheaths on her back and washed the thick amounts of makeup on her face.

 _Time to go_ , she thought. Hawke opened her bedroom door quietly and tiptoed down the stairs. She opened her front door to the outside, closed it gently, and started to run.

* * *

 

Hawke traveled to one of the highest points on Sundermount. She had snuck around the village so she could run up the mountain without being seen. Most of the Dalish elves were in their tents, sleeping peacefully.

Hawke moved quickly. She and her companions had taken out most of the danger on the mountain, which made it lot easier and faster to make the journey in only a few hours.

Finally, she was at her destination. She could see the altar flame flicker. She treaded carefully across the haunted land and shuddered from the freezing, howling wind that blew against her body. Hawke gasped in shock when she saw what was laying on the altar.

It was a bow, but not just that.

It was a _dragon bone_ bow.

The quiver next to it was made from the same material like the string of Hawke’s new necklace. Dragon skin. There were arrows inside the quiver, except one looked different from all the rest. As Hawke looked closer, the tip was white.

 _This lady really commits to dragon bone_ , Hawke thought.

Hawke noticed the bow was on top of a letter. As she picked up the weapon, she felt tears trickling down her face, for Hawke felt as if she had been reunited with an old friend. With the bow under one arm, Hawke read the short letter carefully.

**_If you are reading this letter, you have followed my instructions and have received your second gift. I prefer if you do not question of how this bow was made. All you need to know is that it was quite an annoyance and in someway, painful._ **

**_I have an arrow inside the quiver that looks different from all the other pathetic ones, also made by yours truly. This arrow, like the necklace, can only be used for one dire event._ **

**_Now then, I will not let you take this bow with simple ease. I have left a few surprises, just for practice._ **

**_Do not disappoint me._ **

Hawke raised an eyebrow at the last two sentences, but then she heard noises from behind. Flemeth had obviously made a booby trap when Hawke picked up the bow to read the letter. She turned around to see skeletons rising from the dirt, and an Arcane Horror ready to fight.

_Damn it, witch._

Hawke quickly swung the quiver over her head and felt the heavy bag land on her back. She readied the bow in her hands and grabbed a “pathetic” arrow.

_Maker this feels good._

Once Hawke let the first arrow release, the archery talent raced through her veins. She would dive and roll just for fun, doing unnecessary movements for a fight so easy. The Arcane Horror tried to exhaust the rogue, but it was no use, because Hawke’s pinning shot caused the demon to disintegrate back into the ground.

Hawke smiled up to the sky. Even though Flemeth would hate it, Hawke sent a silent thank you.

As Hawke began to walk down the mountain, she was beginning to think of names for her new bow. Flemeth would be very disappointed if it was named after her.

So Hawke kept thinking. She went back in time for historical names. She tried thinking of perhaps a man’s name, but she also knew Flemeth didn’t just give her the bow to name off of some nobleman.

Andraste was too overused, and she didn’t plan on naming the bow after her old one. She thought back on the Ferelden timeline that her father had taught her.

_Let’s see, Alistair, Cailen, Maric, and...Queen Moira, the Rebel Queen._

Queen Moira started the rebellion against the Orlesian occupation of Ferelden. She gained the support of some of the most powerful Ferelden nobles for her rebellion just for her confidence and leadership that inspired so many others.

She was definitely worth naming a bow for.

After Hawke exited the cave in Sundermount, she took a brief moment to look at the sunrise. It rose beautifully from the horizon and turned the sky from blackness, to the bright blue sky.

Hawke flipped _Moira_ on her back and connected it to the quiver. It was a feeling she missed so much. From a distance, she almost thought she heard a dragon’s wings flap through the cool, soft breeze.


	11. Curses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right when Hawke becomes happier than ever before, Fenris's pain becomes worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay! I finally have enough time to upload a few more chapters till college begins. I'm also writing a new fic of DA2 in present day.  
> Enjoy!

Hawke could not stop smiling. She entered her mansion, being greeted by the lovely Bodhan.

“Pretty!” Sandal said, pointing at the bow on Hawke’s back.

“Why thank you Sandal!” Hawke chirped, “It’s brand new!”

“Is that dragon bone, messere?” Bodahn asked.

“Yes it is. Meet Moira,” Hawke replied.

“Hello Moira!” Sandal said.

“Is my mother awake?”

“Not yet, messere!”  
 _Thank the Maker_ , Hawke thought.

She hurried up the stairs to her room and changed into robes. She admired her new bow.

 _What am I going to tell everyone_ , she thought, _Can’t exactly say that Flemeth visited me during my birthday while everyone were in some different dimension._

So Hawke thought more.

_I could always say it was delivered to me from someone…_

Hawke then came up with an idea.

_What if I just said I went up to Sundermount last night and...found it? Yes, that’s what I’ll say. I wanted to have some alone time on my birthday and I found the bow. Which happens to be made out of dragon bow. And came with a quiver that was made out of dragon skin._

_Shit. Well, I’ll think of something when the time comes._

Hawke sighed and heard knocking at her door.

“Hello? Marian?” Leandra said on the other side, “Just because it was your birthday yesterday doesn’t mean you have to ignore your mother.”

Hawke opened the door, “Mother, I’m exhausted. Early this morning I got up and traveled to Sundermount.”

“Why?”

“I wanted, uh, some fresh air.”

“You went all the way to Sundermount for fresh air.”

“Yes, I like the nature, but look what I found!”

Hawke ran to her bed and lifted her bow that rested on the comforter, “It’s a bow that looks exactly like my other one!”

“You found that?”

Another lie popped up in Hawke’s mind, “Okay, no, I fought a dragling and I carved the bow out of its bones.”

“ _WHAT?!_ ”

“Of course it’s not High Dragon bone.”

 _Oh Marian_ , Hawke thought to herself, _You are just digging yourself into a deeper hole._

“That looks exactly like your last one, wait, what is that?”

Leandra pointed to the quiver behind Hawke.

“I also skinned the dragling to make the bow.” Hawke lied, again.

“That’s disgusting.”

“I did a pretty good job”

_Flemeth is probably laughing her ass off._

The thing was, Leandra couldn’t notice, but the bow was obviously made out of High Dragon bone. It was thick and strong, perhaps even better than High Dragon. She thought of what Flemeth’s letter said.

 

**_“...I prefer if you do not question of how this bow was made. All you need to know is that it was quite an annoyance and in someway, painful...”_ **

****

_Wait a minute..._

“Marian, it looks beautiful!” Leandra said, interrupting Hawke’s thoughts.

“Thanks, mother,” Hawke replied, giving a small smile.

“Well, next time tell me when you are going out of this house to put your life in danger.”

“Mother, I’m always doing stuff dangerous.”

“And I hate it so much.”

Hawke showered, changed into new armor, and walked downstairs again, winking at her other housemates.

“I think I’m going with some of my companions to the Wounded Coast today,” Hawke said to her mother, “Just to clear out some of the Tal-Vashoth.”

Leandra sighed and walked away. 

Hawke wanted to get rid of those Qunari who had almost killed her yesterday.

After breakfast, before Hawke walked to the Hanged Man, Sandal stopped her.

“ _Lucky Rock!_ ” he said.

“Oh yes!” Hawke laughed, “Can’t forget that.” Hawke walked to where all of her presents still rested and picked up the rag covered rock that was on the desk. She dropped the rock inside her quiver. She left her home with Moira on her back, the quiver protecting her new arrows.

Everyone was gathered around Varric’s table in the Hanged Man.

“What’s going on?” Hawke asked.

“I received this,” Merrill said. She pulled back his sleeve to reveal a gigantic burn marking, “It’s made from blood magic. It’s a warning from whoever it was that tried to kill Anders and me.”

Everyone had tried to ignored the events that happened only a couple of months ago, but they knew it was eventually going to return.

“I didn’t even feel it happen,” Merrill continued, “I just woke up this morning, and there it was.”

Hawke bent over the table and grabbed Merrill’s hand, studying the marking. It was a red hand, with a black teardrop like symbol in the middle.

The blood mage’s symbol.

“What is that, Hawke?” Isabela said in shock.

 _Here we go_ , Hawke thought.

“Is that a new bow?” Varric asked.

Hawke pulled the bow off of her back and set it on the middle of the table.

“I went for an adventure earlier this morning,” she began, “I saw a dragling on Sundermount, and I killed it by myself. I didn’t want it’s body to go to waste, so I made this.”

Aveline cocked her head, “Why do I have a feeling that you are lying?”

“What, do you think I just suddenly found this?”

“No, I’m saying that the bow is not dragling bone.”

“That looks like High Dragon to me,” Merrill added.

“How would I be able to fight a High Dragon by myself?” Hawke scoffed.

“That is also High Dragon skin,” Merrill spoke, pointing to the quiver.

 _Shut up, Merrill_ , Hawke thought.

“ _It’s dragling, okay?!_ ” Hawke shouted. She picked up the bow and swung it over her back, “I can’t believe you guys. Why don’t you all trust me?”

No one spoke, instead, they looked away, not making eye contact with Hawke.

“What the Maker is going on?” she ordered.

“You’re scar,” Varric said,  “It’s becoming red.”

Hawke grabbed Aveline’s shield that lied on the ground and looked at her reflection.

They were right, the scar was glowing a soft red. As Hawke breathing slowed, the scar returned to its white color.

“Where’s Fenris?” she asked suddenly. Nobody answered.

“Where the _fuck_ is Fenris?” she barked.

“He’s at Anders’s clinic, resting,” Isabela mumbled.

 _Oh no_ , Hawke thought, _If he’s at the clinic, it has to be bad. Namely,_ Anders’s _clinic._

“I’ll be back,” Hawke said, walking out of Varric’s room. Once she exited the bar, Hawke broke out into a sprint.

* * *

 

Fenris was in terrible pain.

He woke up in the middle of the night on Danarius’s mansion roof screaming. He barely made it to Anders’s clinic. He did not want to go there, but he had no other choice.

Anders’s woke up as Justice, holding his staff in front of him, ready to attack Fenris.

“I need Anders’s help,” Fenris said.

The alter ego slowly switched to the original mage, and Anders caught Fenris right before he fell to the ground.

“It’s the arm, isn’t it?” he asked. Fenris replied with a nod.

“Well there is no reversal spell now, you are too much into the transformation.”

Anders lied Fenris on one of his clinic beds.

“I’m going to make a potion that should relax the pain,” Anders said, “Are you willing to drink it?”

Fenris was in too much pain, he knew he would need the magic.

“Do it,” he said to Anders.

Anders mixed ingredients together to make the potion, and lifted Fenris’s head to pour it in his mouth. Fenris almost gagged.

“I know it tastes terrible,” Anders said, “But it should tame the pain for a few hours.”

“How do I look,” Fenris asked.

“Your arm is glowing red and your eyes are red as well.”

“Perfect.”

Fenris’s eyes widened, “What about Hawke?”

“I don’t know.”

Fenris tried to lift himself from the bed, “I have to see her.”

“If you start walking, in five minutes you could be on the ground again, not being able to move.”

Fenris sighed. He did not want her to be in the same pain.

“Now then,” Anders said, “You can not fall asleep. Are you listening to me? Do not even think about sleeping.”

“Why?” Fenris asked weakly.

“You might speed up the Revenant transformation.”

For a second, Fenris almost thought he was scared, but he pushed the emotion aside immediately.

“Is there any cure?” he asked.

“There was, but now it is too late,” Anders answered, “Perhaps I could come up with something. You will need to stay here as long as possible. Hawke should be fine. She didn’t receive the wound until after the Deep Roads, right?”

Fenris nodded.

“Then she should be fine for now.”

Fenris sighed in relief.

 _I just can not fall asleep_ , he thought.

So Fenris stayed awake. Anders fed him potion treatments to help the pain, but Fenris still screamed out in pain when the potion began to wear off.

Suddenly he heard commotion.

“ _LET ME SEE HIM ANDERS!_ ” He heard Hawke’s voice shout.

“It’s better if you don’t!”

“ _Move out of my bloody way or I will slice your throat._ ”

When Fenris saw the sight of Hawke, the excruciating pain he was experiencing almost faded away immediately.

“Oh, Fen,” she cried, running towards him. She slipped her fingers into his, holding his hand tightly, “I don’t want to lose you.”

Her cheek which was glowing a soft red slowly faded to a light blue.

She laughed weakly, “Good to see you are actually accepting Anders’s help for a change.”

“You should accept Anders’s cure right now,” Fenris said, “You do not want to be in my position, especially if your wound is on your face.”

Fenris cupped Hawke’s injured cheek with his better arm. Her wound must of hurt terribly, since the scar felt fiery hot, but Hawke did not seem to notice.

“Doesn’t your cheek hurt, Hawke?” Fenris asked.

Hawke cocked her head, “Actually, no. Not at all.”

Fenris saw Hawke look down at the pendant that hung from her neck.

“What is wrong?” he questioned.

“Oh, nothing,” she replied, “Excuse me.”

When Hawke separated from Fenris, he felt the painful feeling return once again.

But he didn’t know if it was in his arm, or in his chest.

* * *

 

Hawke walked outside of the clinic and tried pulling off the necklace, but it wouldn’t budge. She tried finding a clasp, but there was none.

“ _You will find out its purpose when the time comes, but remember this...it can only be used once._ ” was what Flemeth said to Hawke.

 _Great_ , Hawke thought, _this necklace is spellbound to me and it won’t break until the “time” comes._

But that was why her cheek was no longer in pain, the pendant had some type of magic as well that numbed the burning sensation.

Hawke sighed. Anders stood next to her.

“There is something I can do that can slow down the...process,” Anders said.

“What.”

“I can take a syringe and pull out some of the, poison, you could say, but it will be very painful.”

“I’ll do it.”

“That is what I was going to ask. Fenris might...be able to control himself more.”

The duo walked back into the clinic and Anders began to explain the situation and what would help the pain.

“If you don’t want to do it, it’s fine, but you will feel much better afterwards.”

“I’ll help Fenris,” Hawke said, “Anders won’t have to do it. I will.”

Fenris looked as if he was in deep thought. Hawke waited nervously.

“How long will it take?” he asked.

“Less than a minute,” Anders replied.

“Alright.”

Hawke sighed in relief.

Anders began to clean and prepare the syringe. Hawke gently unwrapped Fenris’s arm, trying to not look at the horrific sight.

His skin was rotting, the lyrium dripping black.

“It’s ready,” Anders said, handing the syringe to Hawke, “Now you must stick it specifically where I tell you too.”

Hawke nodded.

“Gently push the needle into the center of his cut,” Anders continued, “Be careful, we don’t know what the lyrium can do if it is touched.”

Hawke slowly inserted the tip of the syringe into Fenris’s gash. He cringed.

“It won’t hurt as bad as when Danarius forced lyrium into you,” Hawke said, “Remember that.”

Fenris’s irises turned into a deeper red, “Just hurry up,” he snapped.

Hawke began to pull the poison out, the syringe filling up with a black liquid. Fenris began to glow blue and his fists tightened. He growled and glared at Hawke.

“Stop being dramatic Broody,” Hawke joked. Though she kept a smile on her face, deep down she hated to see Fenris in so much pain.

The syringe was full. When Hawke pulled it out, Fenris took a deep breath.

“How do you feel?” Anders asked. Fenris replied by pushing himself off the bed and standing up straight.

“Much better...surprisingly,” he replied.

Hawke beamed, “I did good, didn’t I?”

“You did perfect,” Anders said.

“Hawke,” Fenris spoke, “What is on your back?”

 _Here we go_ , Hawke thought.

She told her long lie to both of the men. Neither of them looked convinced.

“The other guys didn’t believe me,” Hawke said, “Apparently everyone doubts my survival skills.”

“It just doesn’t look like dragling bone,” Anders said.

“Well if you know how to carve things right, you can make them look a lot more valuable than they actually are,” Hawke responded.

“So the bow is still not the same quality that your old one was in,” Fenris said, sighing after.

 _It is way better quality than my last one_ , Hawke thought, _If only you knew._

“It’s close enough,” Hawke replied.

She began to change the subject, “So how long until Fenris’s arm is all filled up again with poison?” she asked Anders.

He shrugged, “I don’t know. We’ll find out, I guess.”

Hawke rubbed her temples, a thought entered her mind.

“Anders, can I see your wrist?” she asked.

“Um, sure why?”

Hawke pulled back the sleeve on Anders’s arm. There it was.

The same image which was on Merrill’s. The blood mage symbol.


	12. Push and Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Hawke's mother is brutally murdered and the tension between the Viscount and the Arishok heightens, Hawke begins to slowly lose control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh! I'm so sorry I haven't posted in so long! I have been very caught up with college and it is hard to focus on my writing. I have a few chapters written already, so those will be posted soon. I'll try to post more! Enjoy!!

_Three months later…_

Hawke was sobbing on her bed, her pillow wet with tears. So much had happened. Merrill and the eluvian, Anders and Ser Alrik, Bartrand going insane, and much more. The symbols still did not disappear from her two mage friend’s wrists, and next was Fenris. Hawke still felt the pain in her broken heart. She caused terrible memories for Fenris, and now he hardly would ever glance at Hawke. She didn’t take him anywhere with her anymore. Every time she saw him, all she could think about was how he left her room that night without hesitation.

And now Hawke’s mother was dead. Fenris had just left the room after an attempt to comfort Hawke, but the woman sobbed on. Leandra was all Hawke had left since Bethany was with the Grey Wardens.

Hawke was now alone.

She cried for hours, and she felt a burning against her chest. It was the necklace Flemeth had given her long ago. Hawke had begun to hate it.

She tugged on the rope and even tried breaking the pendant itself, but it was useless. The pendant was there to stay, and whenever she felt alone, sad, angry, or any type of strong emotion, the pendant burned. It burned when she looked at Fenris, and it felt like fire when Hawke’s mother died in her arms.

Few days past until Hawke could step out of her bedroom, and only because she realized the fact she had not eaten since that moment. Hawke walked into the kitchen to find Orana spinning a wooden spoon into some type of mixture.

“Oh, messere Hawke!” Orana gasped, almost dropping the spoon, “You quite surprised me!”

Hawke sighed and began to turn around.

“Wait!” Orana shouted, “I’m sorry messere, that sounded rude.”

“No, it didn’t,” Hawke replied, rubbing her temples, “I’m just tired.”

“Of course, messere, I am so sorry about the passing of…”

Orana began to break into tears, “I miss her so much! I miss Leandra!”

Hawke brought Orana into her arms, the fragile elf still weeping.

“I miss her too, Orana,” Hawke cooed, “but we have to keep going, okay? She will always be in our thoughts.”

The elf nodded in reply and wiped her tears.

“What are you cooking?” Hawke asked.

“Tomato soup. Your mother loved it.”

“Well, is there enough for the two of us?”

“Of course! I always make more than enough.”

Hawke smiled, she had distracted the elf from upsetting thoughts. Hawke was good at that. Helping others by either distracting, manipulating, or lying to them. The necklace began to burn again against her skin.

"I'll bring the soup to the table, message Hawke!" Orana chirped, carrying two bowls of the tomato mixture. Hawke sat down at the table and sipped a spoonful of the soup.

"This is delicious Orana," Hawke said, "My mother would love it, as she always does."

Orana smiled, her eyes becoming wet with happiness this time.

Later that day, as the sun was beginning to set. Hawke walked outside of the mansion, dressed in her armor and adjusting her new bow and quiver on her back. Hawke walked to Lowtown, waving to people she used to see everyday three years ago. The sky started to darken, and the children hid back into their homes, avoiding what dangers lurked in the night. Hawke looked up, trying to find the stars beyond the smoke.

Suddenly, the noise of footsteps appeared. They were light, as if whoever this person could be was trying to sneak, but Hawke could hear the taps perfectly. As Hawke walked faster around Lowtown, the taps quickened. Hawke turned a sharp corner and waited. As soon as the footsteps became loud, the shadow appearing of a person , Hawke turned the corner, took out her dagger, and reached out or nothing.

"Down here," Varric said, a smirk irking on his face, "You need to pay more attention."

"What are you doing here Varric?" Hawke asked.

"Well, I live here. Can I not take a stroll around my own home?"

" _Varric--_ "

"Alright! I saw you through the bar window and I wanted to see what you were up to. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, and I'm an ogre."

The image of Varric in ogre form made Hawke chuckle.

"There's a smile," Varric said.

Hawke sighed and rubbed her forehead, "I just miss her so much, you know?"

"I know, sweetheart," Varric replied, "I can't imagine what you must be going through."

"I know I need to move on though. I got to focus on whatever the hell is going on with the Arishok."

"Yeah, I would say take your time, but that would be a lie."

Hawke looked at her best friend. Here was the first friend she made after spending a year in Kirkwall. Of course Hawke didn't consider Varric a friend in the beginning, but after the deep roads expedition, and especially after Bartrand's demise, the human and dwarf had become closer than ever.

"How about we have a drink at the Hanged Man?", Varric asked, "I'll pay."

"Well, since you actually offered to pay, sure," Hawke replied.

With that, the two walked to the saloon, saying no more.

* * *

 

Fenris took off the armor covering his wounded shoulder, the gash leaking black liquid once again.

"How many times is this going to happen?" Anders asked, preparing the syringe.

"I said I do not know, mage," Fenris hissed back.

"Don't be mad at me, I'm just the innocent healer."

Fenris noticed Anders was scratching his wrist, his face expressing annoyance.

"Is your hand still bothering you?" Fenris questioned.

"Now _that_ is none of your business. Can we just get this over with?"

It had been the fourth time Fenris had arrived back at Anders's clinic, ready for another treatment. Anders now took care of the syringes because, well, Fenris could not just ask Hawke anymore for certain things. After what he had done, what he had seen...

"Big breath," Anders said, interrupting Fenris's thoughts. Fenris did so, and with that, the pain flamed throughout his body. The burning that moved up and down Fenris's arm was excruciating. He wanted to beg for it to be over, but he knew it would not lessen the pain.

"All done!" Anders chirped. He always seemed happy afterwards.

 _Probably because is he has a reason to annoy me in some way with Hawke becoming angry about it_ , Fenris thought.

"So I've been meaning to ask you," Anders said, " Is Hawke, single?"

Fenris felt his muscles tense, "What do you mean?"

"It's just, you two do not seem to be as close anymore. You seemed to be my only competition, but since you and Hawke are no longer social--"

"What are you trying to say, Anders?"

"Well, man to man, I think I might have feelings for Hawke, and I want to act upon them."

Fenris fists tightened. "I don't think she's interested in abominations," he growled.

"Why do you care? I just wanted to tell someone, and you seem to know Hawke as much as I do--"

" _I know a lot more about her than you do!_ " Fenris snapped.

There was an awkward silence in the clinic. A cat meowed in the distance.

"What do you know about her that I don't already know?" Anders asked.

Fenris hesitated before he spoke.

"We had...we use to talk a lot."

"Until?"

"What do you mean?"

"Fenris, I have not seen you and Hawke in the same vicinity for months."

"We...something happened. It was a mistake on both on our parts, and we have not talked since."

"I see."

The two men did not look at each other.

"Drinks?" Anders asked.

"Maker yes," Fenris replied, slipping the armor back on. The two men walked to the Hanged Men in silence, the hatred between them paused.

* * *

 

Hawke sipped her fourth cup of the bitter ale.

"Feeling better?" Varric asked.

"Much," Hawke replied.

The two sat at Varric's table, Bianca resting in the center.

"So we have to go to the Chantry tomorrow night," Hawke said, trying to start a conversation.

"Yes," Varric answered, "we have to start settling this drama between Viscount Dumar and the Arishok."

"How about the wrists?"

"The two mages still have no changes, except Merrill has told me her arm has begun to itch recently."

"Which means it must be the same for Anders."

"What do you think it is, Hawke?"

"Well, blood magic, obviously."

"Anything else?"

Hawke sighed,"I'm guessing perhaps a curse. I don't have any other ideas."

"This is a surprise."

Hawke knew Anders's voice immediately. She turned her head to see her friend, but her pendant began to burn when she saw who he was standing next to.

"Hello, Anders. Hello...Fenris," Varric said, forcing himself to smile. Varric had known about the incident between the escape elf and Hawke. Hawke remembered running into Varric's room in the middle of the night, breaking into the Hanged Man. She shook Varric awake telling him everything, and he said nothing as Hawke sobbed and explained what had happened. Varric wasn't necessarily upset with the elf, but more disappointed.

Varric saved the awkward silence by clearing his throat.

"Why don't you two sit down! Buy yourselves a drink!" Varric chirped.

"We should go," Fenris mumbled.

Hawke tightened her fists.

 _He doesn't even want to be in the same room with me_ , she thought.

"Nonsense," she said, her voice failing to hide anger, "We all can stop being professional for one moment."

"We never are professional," Anders joked, but no one laughed.

Anders sat next to Hawke, Fenris next to Varric, staying far away from Hawke as much as possible.

"Why are you two up so late?" Hawke asked, glaring at Fenris.

"We just decided to have drinks together!" Anders lied.

"You two hate each other," Varric said.

"Well some nights, one must need a drink! Right Fenris?"

Fenris only grunted.

"What's wrong Fenris, you have nothing to say?" Hawke spoke, the sarcasm boiling "Don't tell me you two have a romance. Merrill and Isabela are already a shock enough."

" _WHAT?!_ " Fenris shouted.

"Ahh, he speaks!" Hawke  projected back.

"Fenris and I are _not_ romantically involved with one another," Anders snapped, he too now becoming annoyed with Hawke's behavior.

"I wouldn't judge, don't worry," Hawke would not keep quiet.

"Hawke, that's enough," Varric whispered. Hawke downed the rest of her drink and stood up.

"Well," she began, "I think it's about time I left, right boys?" She looked at Fenris, "Don't bother walking me home. I wouldn't want to get another scar, would I now?"

Fenris began to reveal his blue aura.

"Oh please, don't get angry at me when it was your own fault."

Fenris's eyes now had a red glow.

"Better get that Revenant blood in you under control. You're already a mutant, might as well not make it worse."

Fenris leaped across the table to attack Hawke, but Anders grabbed and pulled away just in time.

"Hawke, stop," Varric ordered, "Blondie, you go walk Hawke home. I'll make sure Fenris stays here."

Varric forced Fenris to sit down, blocking his sight from Hawke.

"Let's go, Hawke," Anders said softly, lightly lying his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me," Hawke snapped, flinching away. She stomped out of Varric's room Anders trailing behind.

When the two were outside, Hawke pulled Hawke to face him.

"What has gotten into you?" Anders asked, "I've never seen you act that way to Fenris."

"It's none of your business," Hawke replied, "just let me walk home by myself."

"That is not going to happen."

"Then shut up and let me think I'm walking alone."

Anders stayed by Hawke's side as they walked to Hightown. When they arrived in front of Hawke's mansion, Anders faced Hawke to himself again. Hawke felt lips against the top of her head, and a cooling sensation spread throughout her body, which made her shiver. Anders wrapped his arms around her torso and pulled her even closer. The sober feeling returned and Hawke's head began to clear.

"I really fucked up tonight, didn't I?" She asked the mage.

"Yes, you really did," Anders answered, his voice muffled through her black hair.

"You never give up on me, Anders. You've stuck by my side since the beginning. You have a lot more patience than I do."

"I like you, Hawke. You never leave the ones you care about. That's what friends do. They look out for one another."

"And you're okay with just being my friend?¨

"Hawke, you know, everyone knows, that I had, have, and will always desire you. I can not hide my true feelings for you, but if you do not feel the same way about me, I understand. Besides, Justice does not exactly favor you."

Hawke laughed, "Justice doesn't like me? I thought he would enjoy my dark humor."

"He isn't the comedic type."

Anders stroked Hawke's hair as she spoke.

"I'll take Fenris into the Chantry tomorrow. You're coming too."

"You know I hate going to the Chantry," Anders whined.

"Yes, but someone is going to have to keep Fenris and me from strangling each other."

"Why have you two been avoiding each other lately?"

Hawke paused and thought before answering Anders.

"We use to talk a lot, it's just...something...happened. We both knew it wasn't a mistake, but we haven't talked to each other since. Well, except for tonight."

"So Fenris didn't lie."

"Huh?"

"Fenris and I were talking about you earlier. He said the same thing when I asked about you two, though he disagreed with the whole "mistake" part."

Hawke's face became pale.

"Hawke," Anders whispered, "I doubt he meant what he said."

Hawke nodded, because she was speechless.

"You like him, don't you?"

Hawke's face changed red.

"I knew it," Anders said. He sighed.

"Anders," Hawke managed to croak out, "now why are you and Fenris deciding to have drinks together, and having conversations about me?"

Anders stiffened, "I don't know if I should tell you."

"Just tell me, _please._ "

Anders hesitated but then confessed.

"His arm hasn't gotten much better Hawke. I've been having to extract the poison from his body. Before we walked to the Hanged Man, he had his fourth extraction."

She should've known at the Hanged Man he was still not fully cured.

"I have to see him," Hawke said, "I need to apologize now."

"Wait until tomorrow morning," Anders replied.

Anders sent another wave of coolness through Hawke's body. Hawke could feel his breath. Anders could hold Hawke, but she did not feel anything for him. When Fenris held her, everything seemed complete.

"Anders?" She asked.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

With that, Hawke separated from Anders, opened the door to her mansion, and shut the door behind her.

She would not sleep tonight.

* * *

 

Fenris wanted to roar. Varric threatened to tie him down.

"Hawke did not mean what she said," Varric said, holding Bianca tightly in his hands.

"I could kill her easily if I wanted to," Fenris growled.

"I won't allow that. You don't want to kill Hawke either."

"Why did she say those things?"

"Because Hawke was drunk and hurting. She's been through a lot."

"We all have!"

Varric slammed Fenris back onto the table with Bianca.

"Hawke is our _leader_ ," Varric explained, "without her, you would still be on the streets, or possibly be captured by Hadriana. You would be back in Danarius's hands!"

Fenris sat up slowly, rubbing his injured arm, "I need to see her."

"No way. You are not seeing her until tomorrow, when she will definitely want to apologize."

"I don't trust Anders."

"Trust me, Blondie knows better than to go after your girl."

"She's not _my_ girl."

"Keep saying that to yourself."

Fenris felt his face becoming red, "Let me go home, I will not go to Hawke's estate."

"You better not," Varric warned, "I don't want any bloodshed."

Fenris walked back to his mansion quickly, trying to not focus on the Amell mansion when he passed it.

Fenris lied on his bed, exhausted.

He wanted to sleep, but Hawke's words still haunted him.

Fenris opened the window in his room and began to squeeze out of it. He then pushed himself up onto Danarius's roof. Fenris looked up at the stars, the crescent moon providing little light.

"What have you gotten yourself into?" he mumbled to himself.

 

 


	13. The End of the Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and the companions reach the end of Act II.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you guys I would post more chapters!  
> NO this isn't the last chapter, that is just what the title is!  
> If you read it, you'll know why.  
> I'm working on Chapter 14 right now, and more ideas are along the way.  
> Enjoy!

Hawke woke up by the smell of coffee beans being roasted. She jogged downstairs to the kitchen and saw the dwarf holding the mug for her.

"Good morning, messere!" Bodahn chirped, "I just wanted to wake you to inform you a guest is here!"

 _A guest?_ Hawke thought.

Hawke took the coffee from Bodahn's hands and walked to the lobby.

"How are you feeling?" Varric asked.

"Much better. Fenris?"

"He's walked back to his mansion last night."

"Good. I really need to apologize to him."

"Do whatever you think is best, but don't get too close to him. I don't want to see a heartless Hawke."

Hawke chucked at her friend's comment. Bodahn brought a cup of coffee to Varric.

Hawke dressed in her armor as Varric spoke from the other side of her bedroom door.

"So," Varric began, "How do you plan on apologizing to the elf?"

"I don't know," Hawke answered, "I don't exactly want it to end up repeating what happen between us a few months ago."

"True. Do you still have feelings for him?"

"Of course I do. I was _in love_ with him, Varric. I think I still am."

"What about Anders?"

"What about him?"

"Don't you know he's crazy about you? I know he's a bit whiny, but I think he would treat you better than the elf."

"I know Anders...loves me. I just can't find myself drawn to him though. He held me last night, sobering me. It was nice, but at the same time it didn't feel right. Anders is too...tall."

"Tall?"

"I mean our body types don't fit. He seems more as a brother to me. And Justice doesn't like me anyway."

Hawke opened her bedroom door to reveal herself fully dressed and equipped,"I'm heading over to see Fenris now. I think I should do this on my own."

Varric nodded and stepped out of the doorway, "Just be careful, okay Hawke?"

Hawke smiled at her friend and waved before leaving her mansion. She couldn't think on what to say.

_Sorry for totally insulting you and being a bitch._

_I'm sorry for being a bitch._

_I'm a bitch, sorry._

Hawke sighed as she faced Fenris's mansion. She opened the door slowly.

"Fen? Are you here? It's me, Hawke."

Hawke walked through the broken lobby and up the stairs to his room. The door was also shut, which was rare. Fenris had begun to keep it open since either Hawke, Varric, and/or Isabela seem to barge in occasionally. Daily, actually, is a better word.

Hawke knocked on the door softly, and she began to worry.

"Fenris?" She called. Still no reply.

She opened the door to see quite a sight.

Fenris was standing with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He was staring at his wardrobe, rubbing another towel through his head and around his ears. He turned around suddenly, his face becoming red.

"Err, sorry Fen," Hawke said nervously, her face also began to turn pink.

"Um sorry," he said, "I didn't hear you knock on the door."

"I should, um, go," Hawke started to turn.

"Wait!" Fenris barked, not meaning to sound harsh, "Just wait outside for a moment."

Hawke shut the door which now separated the two companions. Fenris's body wasn't anything new, she had already known what he looked like undressed, but it was still like looking at someone new. The vines on his body tracing his muscles. Hawke began to blush again just by thinking about him.

The door opened to show an armored Fenris.

"Come in," he said, "Is there another quest to attend?"

"Um, no," Hawke sat down on one of the cushioned chair, one leg folding over the other, Fenris sitting across on the bench in front of the fireplace.

"I just wanted to, um..."

Her words were caught in her throat. Hawke didn't know apologizing would be so difficult.

"My behavior last night was out of line and immature. I'm sorry for...well...being a bitch."

"I forgive you," Fenris replied quickly.

Hawke was surprised, "What? Really? I thought you would put up a fight."

"I'm tired of arguing with you Hawke."

"I know, I just didn't think it would be so quick."

Hawke stood up, "Anders told me about your arm still hurting."

Hawke felt the pendant burn.

"Your cheek," Fenris jumped, "it's...purple."

Hawke pulled out her dagger and looked at her reflection. Fenris was right, her cheek was a light purple, like the color of lavender plants.

"I wonder what that color means," Hawke said, "I like it though."

Hawke lowered her dagger to see Fenris had walked closer to her. Too close.

"Hawke, I'm still sorry--"

"Please. Please don't," Hawke interrupted.

Fenris caressed Hawke's scar, tracing it with his thumb.

"It's cool," he whispered.

Hawke wanted Fenris to keep his hand where it was, but he jerked it away.

"Is there anything new?" He spoke, his voice sounding shaky.

"Do you want to come to the Chantry with me?" Hawke asked, "I mean, Anders will be there, but so will Aveline. It's a good group. I was hoping for us to meet at my mansion at dusk."

"I will be there," Fenris replied.

He had surprised Hawke once again.

"Thank...thank you."

Hawke walked out of Fenris's mansion feeling relieved.

 _Oh Maker, you work in strange ways_ , she thought.

* * *

 

When Hawke found the Viscount's son dead, she was surprised. When she saw Mother Petrice, she wasn't surprised at all. After Mother Petrice was killed by the order of Grand Cleric Elthina, Hawke was surprised. When the Viscount sobbed over his lost son, she showed no expression.

Hawke and the companions walked out of the Chantry, not speaking to each other.

"Well, Isabela wanted to talk to me," Hawke said," Guess I'm heading back to the mansion."

"I need to speak too," Aveline added.

The two women were fighting. Aveline and Isabela would never have a descent conversation.

"Let's help Isabela first," Hawke said after the two explained their cases. Hawke didn't exactly want one of her friends dead.

* * *

 

Fenris was being dragged along once again with Hawke. Anders and Aveline being in the group again. They were to meet Isabela at some warehouse.

 _At least I'm actually being useful now_ , the elf thought, _It's been months._

After fighting some bandits that Isabela ran away before Hawke could catch her, the group walked outside to find Isabela's farewell note.

"This day can't get any worse!" Hawke exclaimed.

But it certainly did.

Having spears thrown at her companions by Qunari is not the exact reaction the companions wanted from the Arishok. Seeing Bethany along the way to the Keep didn't help much either. Fenris hated to watch Hawke be separated from her sibling once more, only saying few words to each other. Grey Warden Stroud gave Hawke a ring, that hopefully it could come to some use for her. Fenris watched Hawke slip the ring on her other hand, since her right hand was wearing the ring Fenris had given her for her birthday. She still never took it off. She hadn't moved it since she first slipped it on. Fenris was surprised she still kept it, even after what they had done together.

"Fenris, are you alright?" Hawke asked, interrupting him from his thoughts.

"We should move on," Fenris ordered.

The group met Knight Commander Meredith, and First Enchanter Orsino shortly after.

 _This is ridiculous_ , Fenris thought as the two powerful leaders argued with one another on what actions to plan.

When the group ran into the Viscount's keep, Fenris knew something wasn't right.

* * *

 

" _Saarebas!_ " Hawke shouted, dodging  out of way from the Cone of Lightning.

 _Another one?_ She thought.

Hawke stood up and grabbed her bow that rested on her back. Arrows began to fly, hitting Qunari. Hawke looked after her companions. Aveline was fighting a Sten, Anders healing her and throwing ice spells at the same time at other Qunari. Fenris was fighting the Saarebas, his body glowing blue. He was fighting left handed. Hawke aimed her arrow at the Saarebas.

"Hawke!" Aveline yelled, shoving herself into Hawke and holding her shield to cover both of them.

Bang! The weight of the Sten's blade slammed into Aveline's shield. Aveline let out a battle cry as he pushed the Sten back with her shield. Hawke prepared a pinning strike.

"Now!" Aveline barked, jumping out of the way from the Sten.

Hawke let the arrow fly right into the gigantic Qunari's eye. It died instantly.

Hawke then heard a roar, but it wasn't from the Saarebas, for it had been sliced in two.

It was from Fenris.

The elf wasn't longer shedding blue light, but instead he looked as if he had been engulfed by flames. It almost looked as if he had grown a few inches.

"Fenris!" Hawke exclaimed, "Control your anger! It's not exactly helping you right now!"

Fenris then snapped his head to face Hawke.

 _Is he...grinning?_ Hawke thought.

Fenris dragged his sword behind him as he walked to Hawke, ignoring the angry Saarebas.

"Fenris, settle down," Hawke warned, "I don't want to hurt you."

But the elf kept walking forward, the red flames growing.

"Fen, _please_ ," Hawke was now using a gentle tone, "Look at me, I'm here for you, we all are. We _care_ about you."

It seemed something Hawke had worked, because Fenris fell to the ground and began to thrash. Hawke ran to her companion and held him tightly, his head upon her chest.

"Hear my heart, Fen?" Hawke asked the elf, "The heart holds your soul. Remember, Revenants don't have souls, which means they have no hearts. You're not like that, Fenris. Your heart still beats, like mine."

The red flames had vanished and now a weakened Fenris shook. Hawke stroked her hand through his hair.

"I knew I wouldn't lose you," Hawke whispered.

"Hawke, we need to hurry fast, now," said Anders.

"Can you walk?" Hawke asked Fenris. The elf nodded, and he stood up.

"Let's move on," Hawke ordered.

The four companions walked to the door that led to the Viscount Throne Room, and pushed it open.

* * *

 

Hawke almost tripped over Viscount Dumar's decapitated head. She breathed heavily, holding her bow and arrow tight.

"Come on, Hawke!" Isabela shouted, "You don't have to put on a show anymore!"

It was a quite a show, watching Hawke dueling the Arishok for Isabela's life.

Hawke felt blood sticking to her skin, a mix of hers and the powerful Arishok.

She was sure one of her ribs must be broken by now.

The Arishok ran through Hawke again, and she was blown back against the stone wall. Her head rang.

"Give up now," the Arishok growled.

"Never," Hawke hissed.

The Arishok lifted his blade, but Hawke shot an arrow right through his bicep.

" _Katara, basra!_ " He screamed, holding his arm close to his body.

Hawke forced herself off the ground and ran to the other side of the throne room. She grabbed a smoke bomb from her armored belt and threw it on the ground.

 _Stealth_ , she thought. Hawke ran through the black smoke, trying to move behind the Arishok without being seen.

"Where are you," the Arishok uttered, walking forward tentatively.

Hawke positioned herself behind the monster.

 ** _Assassinate him_** , she heard a familiar voice.

 _Justice, get out of my head please_ , she told the spirit.

**_You know what to do, why haven't you done it?_ **

_I'm trying to make sure I don't miss, you bigot._

Justice disappeared from mind as the Arishok turned around to face Hawke. Her stealth had faded away.

With a loud battle cry, the Arishok charged, but Hawke was much quicker.

It seemed to be all in slow motion. Hawke pushed herself up and began to flip backwards. In the process, she turned her bow so it was in the position of a crossbow.

 _Sorry Bianca, I've copied you_ , Hawke thought. She grinned.

When Hawke landed her backflip, the arrow released from her shot was traveling fast.

Blood sputtered out of the Arishok's mouth when the arrow hit him through the chest.

He tried to pull out the arrow, but all it did was bring out more flesh in blood. It was the end of the Arishok.

"One day," the Arishok growled, his voice weak,"...we shall...return."

The Qunari left the Chantry, and Kirkwall all together.

That day, Hawke became known as the Champion.

 


	14. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after Hawke was reigned as the Champion of Kirkwall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I'm working on my other fics, and it gets hard working on three all at the same time, so chapters come slower. I still have many ideas in my head though!  
> Enjoy!

_**Hawke was about to assassinate the Arishok She prepared for her backflip, but suddenly, she felt a stab through her stomach. Hawke looked down at the sword that pierced through her body. It was pulled out quickly, and Hawke fell to her knees. She was kicked to the ground. When she turned around, there he was.** _

_**It was Quentin, the blood mage who killed Leandra. He was laughing. Hawke tilted her head up to see all of her friends were dead. Their bodies torn to shreds. Their heads were resting on Qunari spears, their faces stuck on a terrified expression.** _

_**Hawke tried to reach her bow that had fallen from her hand, but the Arishok's foot crushed her fingers.** _

_**"Foolish woman," the Arishok chuckled, raising his sword.** _

_**And then he brought it down.** _

 

Hawke sat up in her bed, covered in sweat, breathing heavily. She cried out from the stabbing pain on her the right side of her chest.

It had been a week since the battle with the Arishok. Hawke had multiple injuries. Two broken ribs on the right, a sprained left ankle, both calf muscles were pulled, a left shoulder dislocation, a concussion, and several lacerations all over her body.

Bodahn rushed into the room with a mug of elfroot tea.

"I heard you cry out messere!" Bodahn said, gasping from the run up the stairs, "I have your tea right here!"

Hawke took the mug with her free hand.

"Thank you, Bodahn," Hawke replied. She drank the tea slowly. It would only lessen the pain for a few hours, and possibly help Hawke fall back asleep.

"Was it the same dream, messere?" Bodahn asked. Hawke nodded.

"I just want one night of peace," Hawke whispered. Bodahn frowned and moved to the fireplace.

"It's a bit chilly in here messere, should I start a fire?"

"Yes, please. Thank you."

Bodahn grabbed the two rocks that rested on top of the fireplace. With a clash together, the sparks from the rocks landed onto the firewood, and warmth began to fill the room.

"Perhaps the fire will help you relax. Goodnight, messere." Bodahn said, his voice sounding optimistic.

Hawke never understood what kept Bodahn happy. Perhaps because Bodahn knew that one day, the nightmares would finally end.

Hawke on her bed stand and grabbed the crutch Anders crafted for her. She tucked it under her right arm and pushed herself off the bed. She gritted her teeth and made her way to the couch in front of the fireplace, trying to balance the tea with her left hand that stuck out from the sling. The couch was new. Hawke couldn't leave her room, so Aveline dragged in a comfortable love seat for Hawke to relax on when she wasn't sleeping.

Hawke gasped when she sat down, her body letting out more beats of pain. She sipped the tea and looked into the fire. It was easy for her to walk out of the Chantry. She didn't feel pain when Isabela hugged her and the pat on the back from Varric, adding a comment about how she insulted Bianca. In fact, she also hugged Aveline, Merrill, And Anders. Lastly, was Fenris. He brought Hawke in his arms, and Hawke rested her head on his shoulder, her cheek against his.

"Your scar is purple again," Fenris whispered.

"I haven't even noticed it," Hawke replied.

"It had shrank the last time your cheek was that color."

"Next thing you know it’ll be green.”

Fenris held Hawke closer to him. Hawke felt him shake when he exhaled.

"What's wrong?" Hawke asked, moving her head to look into his eyes.

"I...I am glad you are alive," Fenris confessed.

Hawke and Fenris were silent, only enjoying the company they were keeping with each other. Everything became quiet, like how it was in the Hightown Market.

An arm landed on Hawke's shoulder.

"I wish you well, Champion," Knight Commander Meredith said, turning the rogue to face her, "You almost made me doubt your skill."

She walked away, giving no time for Hawke to reply.

Then the pain hit.

It started in Hawke's legs, she felt them sting, her ankle felt weak as well. Her shoulder felt out of place, and her chest was aching. The concussion hit her the worse, the dizziness clouding her vision.

"Hawke, are you alright?" Varric asked, his expression worried.

"I...I need to go home," Hawke whispered.

Her companions followed her back to her mansion, Isabela using herself for Hawke to lean on as she walked.

When they reached the door, Hawke turned towards her companions.

"I just need a little rest", Hawke said, "I'll feel better in the morning."

But when Hawke said her farewell and started to walk up the stairs to her room, she gasped at the pain and fell down.

"Bodahn!" She cried out, "Get Anders, now!"

Anders was back in the mansion within a few seconds, and he named out her injuries.

"Just perfect," Hawke whined.

"Hawke!" She heard a voice call. She felt a herself being lifted and she yelped.

"That hurts you know!" She yelled.

Hawke looked up at her carrier.

Fenris's eyes connected to hers.

"I'm carrying you to your room," he said.

Fenris moved slowly, trying not to make any jerky movements. Hawke thought she heard Anders snort.

Fenris gently rested Hawke on her bed. She began to take off her armor with her right hand. When she released the clasp that held the hard metal to her chest, she gritted her teeth. Her ribs were no longer held tight, and the pain flooded in.

Anders face turned red, "I need you to, uh, take off your entire chest piece."

Hawke managed to snicker at Anders's embarrassment. She pulled a sheet over the top of her chest to not make Anders more uncomfortable. She pulled the fabric which rested underneath her armor high enough to expose her ribs.

"Better?" Hawke asked. Anders nodded.

 _Sorry Anders_ , Hawke thought, _no breast exposing today._

Anders let the blue magic escape from his hands onto Hawke's ribs. Fenris stood at the end of the bed, glaring at Anders.

"You can't leave your room for about three weeks," Anders prescribed, "Don't even consider leaving your estate for about two months."

Hawke groaned. Moira stabbed into her back, agreeing with her.

"I can't even take walks?" She complained.

Anders sighed, "Maybe during the day time, but with someone at your side. Don't even think l about walking around at night. You can't survive another fight in this condition."

Anders began to stitch the cuts all over Hawke's body. Fenris looked pale.

"I'll be fine, Fen," Hawke said to the elf, "Go home, you need rest too."

Fenris opened his mouth as if to speak, but Hawke was right. All there was to do was just to wait until she was healthy.

Hawke snapped back to where she was now. The fire crackled. Her tea was cold.

"Two more weeks," Hawke murmured. Two more weeks until Hawke could walk downstairs.

Hawke felt the lump in her throat build.

She was in so much pain.

* * *

 

Fenris was once again, pacing back and forth, having what would be called a normal conversation with Varric.

"She doesn't need any stress right now, elf," Varric said as he looked at Fenris's untouched bookshelf, "Like Anders said, she needs to rest."

"What about this?" Fenris pointed to his cursed shoulder, "It will not stay this way forever. I will not stay this way forever."

"It hasn't hurt in a while, has it?"

"Of course it hurts! Well, except when I..."

Fenris paused, hesitating if he should tell Varric the secret he had been keeping.

"Except?" Varric questioned.

Fenris sighed.

_Might as well tell him._

"When I look at Hawke, the pain disappears, and I do not think it is because Hawke also has a scar."

"Aww, your guilt suppresses the pain."

"Listen! I think it has to do with that necklace he has been wearing."

"The diamond one?"

"Yes. She has not taken it off since her birthday. She also has not had any pain since. At first I thought it was because Hawke's scar has been having a purple hue lately, but now I think that pendant has been healing her."

Varric nodded, "Impressive, elf."

"I need to ask her what it is. What if it could have the same effect on me?"

"Might as well give it a try. Just don't bring it up until she can actually walk."

Fenris noticed Varric was grinning.

"What is it?" Fenris hissed.

"Have you heard the term, "Love heals all things."?"

"What are you saying, dwarf."

Varric grabbed a random book from the bookcase and flipped through the pages.

"Well," he said, "I'm just saying, what if her love for you is healing her? It sounds ridiculous but...I think if you want your arm to heal, you have to accept that you love her too."

"Nonsense!" Fenris snapped, "You can not be serious!"

"Revenant's are not capable of love, they only desire bloodshed and chaos. If you oppose what Revenant's pity, it could cure that gross shoulder."

"Who says I love Hawke?"

"Oh come on elf, everyone knows. You stare at her as if she was Andraste herself."

Fenris stopped pacing, "Everyone?"

"Except Hawke of course. She thinks you are over her, which obviously, you're not."

Varric was right, Hawke had no idea that Fenris missed her. It took her three years to find out Anders had feelings for her.

“Do you know how she is?” Fenris asked, attempting to change the subject.

“She’s still pretty beat up,” Varric replied, “Not to mention the nightmares."

The nightmares. That's all what Hawke seemed to talk about when Aveline made her daily visits. No one knew what they were. All Hawke would say is that she couldn't sleep because of the images that haunted her while she slept. The one person who knew the most was Bodahn, and even he could not understand completely.

"She is covered in sweat, and always reaches for her broken ribs," Bodahn said to Hawke's companions when they attempted to visit, "She doesn't want anyone to see her. Only Aveline is allowed. Those were her orders."

Why Aveline was only allowed confused the companions, but in the end it became clear.

Gamlen was hardly a parental figure, Bethany with the Grey Wardens, Carver never made it to Kirkwall, and Leandra had just passed.

Aveline was at Hawke's side since the beginning.

She was family.

"Think fast!" Varric, shouted, interrupting Fenris's thoughts. A book flew in the hair, and Fenris caught it over his head with one hand before it could crash through the already cracked mansion window.

Fenris brought the book down to eye level, and lifted an eyebrow.

"This is the Book of Shartan that Hawke gave me," he said, "Right before Hadriana. That's when she found out I did not know how to read. Then she offered to teach me."

"Why don't you go and read to Hawke?" Varric suggested, "I honestly think it will cheer her up."

"She does not want to see me."

"You don't know that."

Fenris sighed and looked at the cover of the book. It definitely would be a challenge.

"If she makes fun of me," Fenris warned.

"She won't!" Varric replied.

Fenris past Varric to make the walk to Hawke's estate.

Fenris knocked on the mansion door. He noticed his hands were slightly trembling. His ears tingled from the bitter cold. Sleet was beginning to fall on the ground.

Bodahn opened the door and widened his eyes and the surprise guest.

"She's upstairs, Fenris!" He said in a cheery voice.

Fenris slowly made his way to Hawke's bedroom door.

 _I could just turn around_ , he thought, _Act like I never came._

Fenris brought up his hand to knock on the door.

"Come in," he heard a weak voice behind the door.

_She must have heard my footsteps._

Fenris opened the door slowly. He saw Hawke's frail figure sitting on her newly placed couch, staring straight at the fireplace.

"I've come to read," Fenris forced out.

Hawke turned her head, managing to smile. The scar on her cheek was almost fully healed, but the stitches on right above her right eyebrow made up for it.

Fenris's feet felt heavy as he walked closer to Hawke. He sat down next to her, avoiding to look at her broken body.

"It's the Book of Shartan," Hawke croaked. Fenris nodded in response.

He opened the book to the first page.

 _One word at a time_ , he thought.

"An..dras...te," he pushed out.

_Come on._

Fenris cleared his throat and started over.

"Andraste. Br-bride of the Maker Proph---prophet, Our L-lady Re...re..."

"Redeemer," Hawke finished for him.

Fenris felt his grip tighten on the book. He continued:

"Lady of Sorrow. An escaped slave fr-from the Tevinter Im...perium, joined f...for...for--"

"Forces with Shartan," Hawke said gently.

"I'm sorry, Hawke, I can't," Fenris said, closing the book, "It would take me hours to finish the first chapter."

"Then read me the first chapter," Hawke replied, "I'll have Bodahn bring sandwiches and tea up here. Keep going, I'll be here to help along the way."

Fenris managed to hide his shocked expression. Hawke was willing to listen to him read for as long as it took to finish the first chapter of such a long, complicated, book.

Fenris opened the book again to the first page, found the place he left off, and continued to read for Hawke.

 


	15. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke begins to recover from her wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, a brand new chapter! I'm almost done with the next chapter, so expect another update in about a week or so!  
> Enjoy!  
> CF

When Fenris finished reading the first chapter from the Book of Shartan, the sun was beginning to set. Hawke had fallen asleep, her head resting on Fenris’s shoulder. It seemed the last few pages he had been reading to himself.

Fenris set the book beside him, and instead took Hawke into his arms. He gently maneuvered her so he could pick her up to carry her to her bed. The bed they had once shared together for one night.

Fenris shook the thought from his head. He could not hold the feelings for Hawke as he did a long time ago.

He gently placed Hawke onto her bed and pulled the covers over her.

By her expression, Fenris could tell Hawke was in a lot of pain. He watched as she tossed and turned, sometimes gasping for air. Fenris kneeled next to Hawke's bed and grabbed her hand.

"Hawke," he started, not knowing what exactly to say, "I...I am here."

Hawke then seized her movement, her face now relieved. She held steady breathing.

Fenris kissed the top of Hawke's hand. He studied her entire body, his eyes finally ending on the necklace she wore.

_Destroy it_ , a demonic voice appeared in his head.

Fenris ignored the voice, he had heard it before. As his arm worsened, the stronger the voice of the Revenant became. Fenris was drawn to the necklace, whatever was held inside the diamond.

Fenris gently released Hawke's hand.

_It is not best if I stay much longer_ , he thought.

Fenris grabbed the Book of Shartan and walked out of the Hawke estate. He would do anything to protect Hawke, but somewhere deep inside Fenris's soul, a part which he knew was not his own, he held the desire to rip her heart out.

* * *

 

Hawke woke up to find she was back in bed.

_Shit_ , she thought, _I fell asleep while Fenris was reading._

The pendant burned against her chest. Hawke had become use to it. In a way, the pendant was a curse, yet a comfort. Hawke didn’t feel so empty, now that Leandra was gone.

Hawke slowly rose out of bed and touched the necklace. The energy radiated even more. She lifted it so she could see the black liquid swirling in the diamond.

“What are you?” Hawke asked, as if she was expecting an answer.

The next two weeks Hawke would exercise by limping around her room a few times. The first time Hawke tried not using her crutch, she fell instantly, yelping at the sharp pain.

“You need to be more patient,” Aveline had said, helping her friend off the ground, “Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Now Hawke could pace back and forth as long as she kept spider silk wrapped around her left ankle as a brace. The rest of her body was healing as well. Aveline removed the stitches (both of the women did not want to hear Anders’s bickering about the templars and how they somehow caused this), Hawke’s calf muscles were also almost healed, and if she didn’t push herself too hard, she could raise her left arm enough the brush her hair away.

“I think it’s about time I got out of this damn room,” Hawke said as she prepared to leave her bedroom to the rest of the mansion. Not only was she sick of staying in her room all day, Fenris never came to read again. She couldn’t help but think it was because of her condition.

She wrapped her ribs with more spider silk than usual, and dressed slowly. She forgot how heavy the armor was.

“Remember, go slow,” Aveline advised.

When Hawke walked out to the rest of her mansion, the light escaping through the windows almost blinded her.

_Looks like that concussion still hasn’t completely healed_ , she thought.

Hawke looked at the mansion stairs. She grabbed the side rail for balance.

_Here goes nothing._

She took the first step down. She winced from the sharp stab that came from her ribs.

“Don’t help me,” Hawke said before Aveline could assist.

Hawke took another deep breath, and rested her foot on the next stair.

As each step came, more beads of sweat formed on Hawke’s forehead.

_Didn’t know we had so many stairs_ , she thought.

When she finally stepped off the last step and onto the flat carpet, she was breathing heavily. What would have taken her seconds to jog down the steps, now took her ten minutes.

“You did it messere Hawke!” Bodahn cheered.

“Very good!” Sandal added.

“I’m just dreading going back up,” Hawke said. She looked behind her shoulder. She knew that later today, she would have to make the journey back up the stairs.

Hawke looked around at her mansion. It didn’t look any different, except for the pile of envelopes on top of Hawke’s desk.

_Letters from people in need_ , Hawke thought. Even though Hawke knew the people of Kirkwall depended on her, she would not be able to do any heavy work load for a while. Hawke’s body may heal, but the pain and the post traumatic stress from the fight with the Arishok would haunt her forever.

“Are you alright, Hawke?” Aveline asked. Hawke noticed her friend was staring at her with worried eyes.

“Just thinking,” the archer replied, “Nothing different.”

Hawke began to walk straight, her body temporarily relieved from the stairs.

“Where do you think you are going?” Aveline questioned, running to the front door and covering it.

“Aveline, move,” Hawke ordered, “I just want to feel the summer air.”

“The Champion never says, “the summer air”. You know what Anders said.”

“Fuck Anders, this is my house, and I am choosing to leave it. It’s not like I’m going to take a casual walk to Gamlen’s house.”

After a stare down, Aveline sighed.

“I’m walking with you.”

Hawke nodded and Aveline backed away from the door. Hawke grabbed the door handle.

She opened the door, the sun blinding her once again.

“Maker, it is a really hot day!” Hawke shouted, covering her eyes.

“It’s the middle of the summer,” Aveline replied, “Of course it’s hot.”

Hawke engulfed herself fully into the sun, raising her chin and embracing the heat.

_So good to be outside_ , she thought.

“Can we just walk around Hightown? Please Aveline?” Hawke pleaded.

Aveline rolled her eyes, “It’s _your_ house, _you_ want to leave it.”

So the two walked around. Hawke noticed the stares the people were doing terribly to hide.

“How bad do I look?” Hawke mumbled to her friend.

“People are honestly just surprised to see you alive,” Aveline replied, her voice also low, “You were the talk of the town. You still are.”

Hawke found herself in front of another set of stairs.

“We don’t have to go down,” Aveline said.

“No, I want to try. Help me?”

Aveline nodded and Hawke wrapped her arm around her friend’s neck, leaning against her for support. Hawke made it down safely, not in as much pain as she was in her mansion. She looked around to where she was.

“I _would_ accidentally walk to Fenris’s place.”

Hawke sighed to see she had ended up at the front door of Danarius’s mansion.

“Accident?” Aveline teased. Hawke elbowed her.

“I just want to surprise him.”

“Hawke, you know you can’t just jog up the stairs to his bedroom and jump into his arms.”

“Um, I can try. Except the whole jogging up stairs part.”

The two women laughed, Hawke ignoring the pain in her ribs.

The cobwebs welcomed Hawke and Aveline as they walked into the mansion.

“Fenris!” Aveline called, “Come down, I have something to show you!”

“ _Get out._ ” A growl replied, a voice that did not sound humane.

“Fenris, I really think--”

“ _I said leave. Now!_ ”

Hawke knew Fenris would never act this rude towards Aveline. If anything, they respected each other.

“Get your pointy-eared ass down here Fenris!” Hawke finally shouted.

A shuffle of feet was heard, and Fenris was leaning over the stair balcony.

“Yes, it is I, the one and only, _Champion_. I know, I’m not suppose to leave the house for like another month, but--”

“Why are you here?” Fenris asked softly, his eyes wide. Hawke was shocked.

She had never seen Fenris so terrified.

“I...just wanted to see you. Everyone else lives so far away and you are just so close.”

Fenris’s expression softened.

“I’m sorry. I know it must have been very difficult for you to walk here.”

Aveline cleared her throat.

“And I’m sorry Aveline for my rude behavior earlier.”

“Apology accepted.”

Fenris walked down the stairs, and it made Hawke’s heart flutter. He stopped a few feet away from her and studied her, checking her wounds.

“I’m not at my best yet,” Hawke said, lifting up her arm which rested in a sling as an example, “but I’ll be able to pick up Moira soon.”

Hawke had missed the feeling of her new bow, how perfectly it rested in her arms.

“Enough about me though, how’s your arm?”

Fenris didn’t respond. It was as if something was keeping him from speaking.

“Not too chatty today, Fen?”

“You shouldn’t have come all this way,” Fenris blurted out, “It’s not safe.”

“I’m an adult Fenris,” Hawke scoffed, “I do have the capability to think actions before I, uh, well, act, upon them.”

Hawke didn’t show it, but in the inside, she felt hurt.

“Your scar is almost gone,” Aveline butted in, trying to make the situation less awkward.

Hawke lifted her hand to her face. She traced where the scar should be, but it had become quite smaller from when she first acquired it.

“That’s so strange. How come mine is healing, but Fenris’s is just getting worse?”

Hawke traced her thoughts, trying to think of scenarios of how and why her scar was dissolving.

She felt a coolness against her chest, and for some reason, she lifted her hand to touch the pendant, finding its presence to be comforting.

_Wait, this isn’t right_ , Hawke thought.

The pendant was now freezing, as if it was a block of ice sprinkled with salt. Hawke felt goosebumps form on her arms, and her teeth began to chatter.

“Did it suddenly just get cold to you guys?” Hawke asked her companions.

“If anything, it’s gotten hotter since I’ve been in here,” Aveline complained.

Fenris did not reply, for he was staring intently at Hawke’s necklace.

A frightening thought entered Hawke’s mind. She covered her hand completely around the necklace, protecting it.

_Is it...afraid?_ Hawke thought, her hand gripping tighter.

“I think it’s time Aveline and I left,” Hawke spoke quickly, “I, uh, need to, uh, write in my journal.”

“I’ll hurry you home,” Aveline automatically said. Another trait of Aveline Hawke loved. She always knew if something was wrong. Very wrong.

“Bye Fenris, take care of yourself,” Hawke said, already walking to the front door.

“Goodbye, Hawke,” Fenris replied, but it didn’t sound like him. Usually his goodbyes were apathetic grunts or a simple reply of the famous last name, but Fenris never took the time, nor the emotion, to say the word, “Goodbye”.

When Hawke shut the door, Fenris was still staring at Hawke's neck.

“Help me to Merrill, now,” Hawke commanded Aveline. The knight did not question Hawke on her motive, and moved her body so she could have Hawke lean on her and walk at the same time.

_Something is incredibly wrong with Fenris, Marian Hawke,_ the Champion told herself, _and it has to do with this pendant._

 


End file.
